On behalf of environmentalists everywhere, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Gayla Long, the Long family, the state of Missouri, the Midwest, most of the South, and everyone who plays paintball.

 

I would like to apologize for the behaviour of one of our own, a tree-hugging British import living in San Francisco by the name of Stephen Fowler and a recent participant in an episode of ABC's show Wife Swap. Mr. Fowler was a complete jackass in the episode, treating Long terribly, going as far as to whisper nasty things about her in his children's ears and even saying "I probably make more in a week than you make in a year" — after Long (rightly) accused him of acting like he was better than her. He was the very image of the smug San Francisco elite environmentalist.

 

We are sorry, Mrs. Long.

 

Fowler does not represent the vast overwhelming majority of environmentalists (and San Franciscans) who are very nice people who just want to pass on a nice world to their grandkids. Sure, a few are snobby jerks like Fowler, but most of us are really nice folks.

 

I'm happy that Fowler seems to be paying mightily for his terrible behavior. His wife has publicly said he needs to "get professional help" and the Internet has responded in full force, spawning StephenFowlerSucks.com and a Facebook group called "I cannot Stand Stephen Fowler from 'Wife Swap' ". I hope he takes away a lot of lessons from this and comes out a less douchey person on the other side.

 

Here are some highlights from the episode for anyone who missed the big show:

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And who owns that many smug green shirts?