It's April 1, aka April Fools' Day. On the web, it's a time when everyone and their cousin tries to outdo one another doing something crazy/silly/funny/not funny on their blog.
I thought it'd be better to zig while everyone zags, so I've prepared a list of things that I WISH were April Fools' Day jokes. Here are some things that seem to have slipped through the wormhole from Bizarro World. I just don't understand how these things actually exist.
- Mountaintop removal mining- really!? You're actually going to clearcut that forest, rip down that entire mountain, and then dump all the rubble in that nice stream in the valley. Why? To dig up dirty black rocks that you can sell to someone who will burn it so some guy can watch Family Guy. Really?
- Republicans- really!? You're going to stand there and professionally doubt climate science just because it's inconvenient for the rich energy guys funding your campaigns? You're fine with relying on bogus studies and doubt manufactured by shady think tanks and "researchers" who flood the public airwaves with misinformation and lies? You're ready to take this world down in an oily glut of Republicanism because you like your job. Really?
- Killing whales "for research" - really!? How can you say that with a straight face? Look, if you're going to be idiots and kill whales and dolphins because you like how they taste, just man up and say so. Saying that you kill whales and dolphins "for research" is like me and my friends saying we ate those mushrooms in college "for research". We hugged trees; you slaughter highly intelligent sea mammals. For research. Really?
- Sarah Palin and The Discovery Channel - really!? Sarah Palin likes shooting wolves from planes and doesn't think global warming is happening. She's a pro-drilling, pro-oil, pro-anyone-who-gives-her-money, anti-enviro who can see Russia from her kitchen window. The Discovery Channel likes to pretend that they still make interesting, intelligent content and, lately, that they are green — see, they bought Treehugger. That's green, right!? And don't forget Planet Green. That actually has 'green' in its name! So yeah, Sarah Palin and the Discovery Channel. Really?
What am I missing? What else is too crazy to actually exist, but does?
My friends over at Ecorazzi are always up for a good laugh this time of year. If you need a rainbow chaser after my doomy post, hit these up.
So happy April 1! Summer is on the way!
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