I wish these were April Fools' Day jokes

Do they really blast the tops off mountains to get at cheaper coal? Do they really kill whales and dolphins and call it research. Sarah Palin on the Discovery Channel. Really!? Really. I wish these were April Fools' Day jokes.

Thu, Apr 01 2010 at 10:05 AM

Related Topics:

Coal, Mountaintop Removal Mining

Photo:Geerlingguy/Flickr

It's April 1, aka April Fools' Day. On the web, it's a time when everyone and their cousin tries to outdo one another doing something crazy/silly/funny/not funny on their blog.

I thought it'd be better to zig while everyone zags, so I've prepared a list of things that I WISH were April Fools' Day jokes. Here are some things that seem to have slipped through the wormhole from Bizarro World. I just don't understand how these things actually exist.

- Mountaintop removal mining- really!? You're actually going to clearcut that forest, rip down that entire mountain, and then dump all the rubble in that nice stream in the valley. Why? To dig up dirty black rocks that you can sell to someone who will burn it so some guy can watch Family Guy. Really?

- Republicans- really!? You're going to stand there and professionally doubt climate science just because it's inconvenient for the rich energy guys funding your campaigns? You're fine with relying on bogus studies and doubt manufactured by shady think tanks and "researchers" who flood the public airwaves with misinformation and lies? You're ready to take this world down in an oily glut of Republicanism because you like your job. Really?

- Killing whales "for research" - really!? How can you say that with a straight face? Look, if you're going to be idiots and kill whales and dolphins because you like how they taste, just man up and say so. Saying that you kill whales and dolphins "for research" is like me and my friends saying we ate those mushrooms in college "for research". We hugged trees; you slaughter highly intelligent sea mammals. For research. Really?

- Sarah Palin and The Discovery Channel - really!? Sarah Palin likes shooting wolves from planes and doesn't think global warming is happening. She's a pro-drilling, pro-oil, pro-anyone-who-gives-her-money, anti-enviro who can see Russia from her kitchen window. The Discovery Channel likes to pretend that they still make interesting, intelligent content and, lately, that they are green — see, they bought Treehugger. That's green, right!? And don't forget Planet Green. That actually has 'green' in its name! So yeah, Sarah Palin and the Discovery Channel. Really?

What am I missing? What else is too crazy to actually exist, but does?

My friends over at Ecorazzi are always up for a good laugh this time of year. If you need a rainbow chaser after my doomy post, hit these up.

• Discovery To Dub Over Sarah Palin With Sigourney Weaver For New Nature Series

• Sea Shepherd Unveils Next Awesome Boat To Be Sunk By Japanese Whalers

• Japan Announces New Research Campaign To Study Extinction

• PETA Partners With French Scientists To Create Cuter, Less Scary Rat

• James Cameron Upset That Gore Still Hasn't Followed Him On Twitter

So happy April 1! Summer is on the way!

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Comments: 2

Climatologist Apr 01 2010 at 11:09 PM

The real denialists are the Gorebot idiots who can't wrap their mind around the idea that climate science is NOT all about fancy computer models that show us heading for catastrophe. We aren't. The evidence for AGW is entirely hinged on computer models that have, so far, been unable to predict the weather one, five, or ten years ahead, let alone fifty. No, the real science shows that greenhouse gases are secondary to the warming of the globe. It happens on its own and we frankly don't know exactly

.... More

how or why, but we do know that CO2 has little to do with it.