ON THE STREETS: A treeligious holiday
Jonathan Kesselman: Hi, how are you doing? I’m with the Mother Nature Network. You obviously, you’re an environmentalist. You’re giving me a plant. This is incredible. Thank you for helping the environment. Thank you for helping the environment! Thank you for — we’re gonna have a whole tree by the time we’re done. Thank you. Thank you for helping the environment. The environment loves you. This is for the environment?
Man: It’s a feast, a Christian feast day.
Kesselman: You see, I didn’t realize that today is Palm Sunday. I thought they were environmentalists marching around. [indistinct] carbon dioxide.
Man: Do you have a statue of the Virgin Mary in your house?
Kesselman: I’m a Jew, all right? I don’t even know who the Virgin Mary is. Chiquita banana. Chiquita banana. Hungry like the wolf. Hungry like the wolf. I’m a chicken. Wait, this woman’s a virgin?
Man: The mother of Jesus.
Kesselman: Was a virgin?
Man: You usually put it behind a picture in your house.
Kesselman: I have a picture of Gisele Bundchen.
Man: Put it behind the picture.
Kesselman: She’s nude. Is that weird?
Man: That’s fine.
Kesselman: You know what? I got to hand out some palms. Happy Palm Sunday. God bless you. Please take it. No, please take it. Palm readings, anybody? Did you kill these palms or were these on the ground? I mean…
Man: I … I … I — okay, I’ll ask.
Kesselman: For a seemingly passive and peaceful religion, you guys seem to be doing a lot of hurtful things for the environment. Happy Palm Sunday. It’s a Christian holiday and what we do is we hand out these trees to people and we do it to help Jesus.
Girl: I believe that they were like laid on the floor when Christ [indistinct] — that’s terrible.
Kesselman: That’s creepy.
Girl: Yeah. Isn’t it?
Kesselman: We don’t have that kind of stuff in our religion.
Kesselman: We just have basically, like locusts coming and plagues. I mean, that stuff is real. Happy Palm Sunday, may I give you a palm?
Woman: You, too. I already have one. Thank you.
Kesselman: Where is it? Can I hand you a palm? Hi, happy Palm Sunday. I’d like to hand you a palm.
Guy: [indistinct] all day, sorry.
Kesselman: Well, I can put it in the back, I can put it right here for you if you’d like. Can I just put it there? All right, man.
Man: You’re ripping out palm trees?
Kesselman: They’ll grow back. There are lots of palms in the world.
Kesselman: Okay. Well, good luck with the Inquisition.
Man: Put it behind a picture or something.
Kesselman: Okay. Thank you. Happy Palm Sunday.
Man: Thank you.
Kesselman: I have a tree. You know, the strangest things happen in New York. You come out, [indistinct] you’re talking about green jobs, and the next thing you know, you have a tree in your hand, a carbon-dioxide eating tree. God bless us.