Attention pitiful humans!

Lord Bigglesworth of Melbourne, Australia is now accepting applications for potential slaves in service to his ever-constant needs and glory. The black tomcat, hilariously highlighted by the group "Cat People of Melbourne," is colorfully described as an "utter utter utter bastard." Known to close friends and enemies as Mr. Biggles, those with an interest in subjugating themselves to his rule should be prepared for the worst.

"Mr. Biggles is a despot and dictator, he will let you know he is not happy, which is often because things are often just not up to his high standards," foster dad and current servant "Brett from Melbourne" says about the 2-year-old kitty. "There is some warning that Lord Bigglesworth is displeased with you, his eyes will go dark and tail will start swishing harder. Mr. Biggles likes his cuddles on his terms, and will sit in your lap when he decides it's time. If the stroking is not up to his standards, he will nip you."

Lord Bigglesworth will likely nip you from time to time, but only because you have failed to please him. Lord Bigglesworth will likely nip you from time to time, but only because you have failed to please him. (Photo: Cat People of Melbourne)

Should you prove yourself worthy, Lord Bigglesworth may let his guard down and gift you the kind of close privileges long enjoyed between kings and their valets.

"He loves to be involved with what you're doing and loves to have a chat, he will respond if you talk to him," Brett adds. "While he's not a fan of being picked up, he likes a pat and cuddle from time to time and even permits kisses on his shiny black head if he's feeling mellow. He loves sleeping on the end of the human's bed, and in his cat bed (and he snores just a little bit, it's so cute)."

According to the listing, Mr. Biggles is a 'stupidly healthy raw fed cat' who will 'eat anything including your dinner if he can get away with it.' According to the listing, Mr. Biggles is a 'stupidly healthy raw fed cat' who will 'eat anything including your dinner if he can get away with it.' (Photo: Cat People of Melbourne)

Unfortunately, it appears that Brett may have revealed a little too much about Lord Bigglesworth.

"And now I'm in trouble for telling his softie secrets, so I have been ordered to say that Lord Bigglesworth believes he was put on this earth to be decorative and be worshipped by his human slaves!"

Those living in Melbourne interested in giving up their lives to care for Lord Bigglesworth can learn more about their servitude at the pet rescue listing.

Michael d'Estries ( @michaeldestries ) covers science, technology, art, and the beautiful, unusual corners of our incredible world.