When my oldest son was in kindergarten, he told me he never wanted to go to first grade. When I asked why, he told me Mrs. Hello Kitty, a first-grade teacher, had called him stupid and he was afraid he’d get her as a teacher.

Mrs. Hello Kitty? I asked my son if she had an actual name. He said he didn’t know and all the teachers called her Mrs. Hello Kitty.

The next morning as I was standing outside of the school with other parents, I asked about Mrs. Hello Kitty. I was told her name, that she was one of the nicest teachers in the whole school, and that she was obsessed with Hello Kitty. Her entire classroom was covered with the cat.

Although I tried to find out what she had said that my son interpreted as “you’re stupid,” I never was able to. I did discover one thing, though. Hello Kitty is worshiped by more than just 7-year-old girls.

Which I suppose is what the makers of a new beer sold in China and Taiwan are counting on. Sanrio Co. has given licensing permission to the Taiwan Tsing Beer Company to create Hello Kitty beer. I’m sure Mrs. Hello Kitty is trying to find out how to get some shipped to the states as I type.

The fruit-flavored brews are low alcohol and are getting horrible reviews, but the cans are adorable so I suppose people will buy them. Let’s hope they hide them from the kids, though, because it’s been shown that kids are more likely to eat or drink something with a cartoon character on it.

If sweet-flavored beer isn’t your thing (and even if it was, you can’t get it in the States), you can buy Hello Kitty Sweet Pink sparkling wine. That sounds even more revolting than the beers.

I would never buy a beer or wine just because it had Hello Kitty on it, but I got to wondering: Is there a cartoon character that would get me to pick up a can or bottle at the liquor store? I spent a whole minute thinking about it, and I did come up with one: if Josie and the Pussycats were on a bottle of wine, I might buy it for fun ... as long as it wasn’t pink.

What cartoon character might get you to pick up a bottle of booze?

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