Welcome to the Thursday food "nooooo." That's "nooooo" as in "no way", "no they didn't", or "no one in their right mind would buy that."

I can imagine that every one of my fellow writers here at MNN had their inboxes flooded with hundreds of press releases over the past two weeks as everyone and their mother had a green angle on their product, service or cause. A few of the press releases warranted writing about, the majority of them got deleted, and one has made its way to the Thursday food “nooooo.”

Here’s the first line of the press release:

Totally Organica Celebrates Earth Day One PET Bottle at a Time


Yep, you read that right. Celebrate Earth Day one plastic bottle at a time! And you know what is in those plastic bottles? Water. It’s water that’s been flavored naturally and made sparkly and certified organic by the USDA (seriously USDA – what were you thinking?)

Here’s their pathetic spin:

Totally Organica’s line of tantalizing waters includes eight tantalizing flavors; lemon lime, cranberry, green apple, raspberry, pomegranate, melon, and mint, all bottled in a stylish and narrow PET (polyethylene terephthalate) plastic bottle, one of the most recyclable plastics.

Totally Organica uses fully recyclable bottles to lessen the carbon footprint on Mother Earth, all while hydrating consumers with an all-natural and balanced water. 

My friends, we are perfectly capable of hydrating ourselves without organic flavored water in one-time use plastic bottles. We can pour water from a tap into a glass or reusable water bottle and squeeze a little lemon in it or pour a little 100 percent cranberry juice in it to flavor it ourselves.

Here are a few other humdingers from the press release.

“Our PET plastic bottle is modern and chic, making it appealing to the everyday and eco-friendly consumer.”
Plastic bottles are modern and chic?
“Consumers can be eco-chic while refreshing and hydrating their body this Earth Day.” 
Not only is this press release insulting; it’s also grammatically incorrect.

If you see this product on your store’s shelf, just say “nooooo!”

Image: courtesy of a press release that made my head want to explode

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