Conspiracy theorists take heart: Even though the Large Hadron Collider may yet turn our world into a giant black hole, Mother Nature is assisting in doing everything she can to prevent that from happening.
Since it was announced last year that the switch would be flipped on the world's largest particle accelerator, a ridiculous number of rumors have swirled that mankind was about to doom itself. The mission of the $10 billion machine is to help explore important questions about the universe. That will involve circulating a super-energized proton beam around a 17-mile tunnel that scientists hope will also unveil the never-before-seen Higgs boson — aka the God particle.
Unfortunately, turning the Collider on has turned out to be just as elusive as the mysteries it's supposed to solve. Under repair for a year due to an electrical failure, headlines were made again last week after a bird somehow dropped a piece of bread into the machine, causing the entire unit to shut down. How this managed to happen is beyond me.
Alarmists say this is further proof that the LHC will never function properly because it is under "influence from the future." While it's fun to believe that we could expect a 'Terminator' to intervene next, researchers say that the past year's bad luck can be largely attributed to insanely complex machinery. "It's a horribly complicated piece of equipment, it's not like there's not going to be problems along the way," said one scientist. "They will surmount those problems."
So, if you find yourself being sucked into a black hole later this month, at least you'll know they finally got the darn thing working.