Bird foils Large Hadron Collider from destroying us all
Mishap is latest in a series of unfortunate events that have befallen world's largest particle accelerator.
By Michael d'EstriesFri, Nov 13 2009 at 9:40 PM EST
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MYSTERIOUS WAYS: A worker walks past a giant photograph of the CMS detector of the Large Hadron Collider at an exhibit in Berlin. (Photo: Sean Gallup/Getty Images) Conspiracy theorists take heart: Even though the Large Hadron Collider may yet turn our world into a giant black hole, Mother Nature is assisting in doing everything she can to prevent that from happening.
Since it was announced last year that the switch would be flipped on the world's largest particle accelerator, a ridiculous number of rumors have swirled that mankind was about to doom itself. The mission of the $10 billion machine is to help explore important questions about the universe. That will involve circulating a super-energized proton beam around a 17-mile tunnel that scientists hope will also unveil the never-before-seen Higgs boson — aka the God particle.
Unfortunately, turning the Collider on has turned out to be just as elusive as the mysteries it's supposed to solve. Under repair for a year due to an electrical failure, headlines were made again last week after a bird somehow dropped a piece of bread into the machine, causing the entire unit to shut down. How this managed to happen is beyond me.
Alarmists say this is further proof that the LHC will never function properly because it is under "influence from the future." While it's fun to believe that we could expect a 'Terminator' to intervene next, researchers say that the past year's bad luck can be largely attributed to insanely complex machinery. "It's a horribly complicated piece of equipment, it's not like there's not going to be problems along the way," said one scientist. "They will surmount those problems."
So, if you find yourself being sucked into a black hole later this month, at least you'll know they finally got the darn thing working.
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11/22/2009 00:55 AM
What a waste of bread.
Lila Sovietskaya
11/19/2009 20:51 PM
A reason that there is no provable trace of alien life form visiting this planet could be because the Aliens construct an HLC and it works by converting their whole planet into a plasma-gluon soup. Seriously, an HLC cannot do that. Neither can it create black holes that devour the Earth, What it can do is to create a disaster that is beyond expectations of our current theoretical physics.
sally
11/19/2009 14:59 PM
Energy is not neutral, you can't play games with it. If people want to know more about particles,energy etc they need to understand that giant machines will not give them the answers they are looking for, but meditation might, followed by an exploration of string theory and quantum physics.
The LHC is obviously irresponsible to anyone with half a brain.
Chris
11/16/2009 23:28 PM
All it takes is one black hole.
Guest
11/16/2009 19:04 PM
People have theories about what will happen during these collisions in the particle accelerator. These theories will be validated or invalidated based on the results. Science is the process of conducting the experiments and observing the results. If you want to boil it down to basic language and ignore the meaning of the words involved, OK... Science is always "right" because scientists do not rely on assumptions or beliefs, but rather accumulate knowledge based on observable results.
Jose H Valladares MD
11/16/2009 19:01 PM
All the comments are witty but they lack common sense and a constructive criticism.
Like referring persons to a bit more understanding ideas like the ones at
"The elegant Universe" so that we may get better input from more persons.
JHV
Chtei
11/16/2009 18:58 PM
People who think that this experiment is either useless or actually dangerous are among the top runners for the saddest and most ignorant people to ever walk the planet Earth. The whole black-hole thing has already been refuted by the world's leading scientists but it certainly is fun for the simple-minded to play with, so I'll leave it at that. When we ask questions and attempt to discover the deepest secrets about atoms, subatomic particles, the origins of matter, energy and physics, we are.... More
Me
11/20/2009 17:06 PM
don't refer to the rest of us as simple minded you pompous ***. I do not care what the world's leading scientists have to say, they have not proven a damn thing other than their big $10Billion machine does not work. You have no right to make the statements you did about the rest of us who take the time to hear both sides of the debate no matter how nonsensical you perceive it to be. And as for the Wars in Iraq and anywhere else in the world; we are spending money to ensure some madman does.... More
Chris Hann
11/16/2009 13:55 PM
Well, how it happened is beyond you because you are misrepresenting the facts and don't understand what you are talking about... which doesn't stop you. A baguette was dropped into an electricity substation and shorted the power to part of the system. A bird didn't drop a piece of bread in to the machine, that's just misrepresenting the facts. But it's fun frightening the ignorant with half truths isn't it?
tom wittmann
11/15/2009 17:14 PM
The CERN-Collider is failing as nearly all the Europrojects, where to satisfy the nationalistic ego of the Engineers and scientist of many countries the results are always inpefect compromises and overcomplivated solutions, as well as stisfy he politician by the mania to build "bigger" as the US does. (see Airbus 380, , even if there only 2 countries, france and Germany, are involved)
And I ask myself: why extreme stupid people is given access to the media to scare grandmothers with.... More
Srikant
11/15/2009 08:28 AM
Ironically, most of the science has never considered the longer term perspective of space or time. Eg. DDT that inspired a nobel prize is within 50 years the biggest bane for continent size land-mass. Nuclear arsenel, Communism (Failed), Capitalism (Also failed due to sub-prime crisis!) are some clear examples. Our society is SHORT-FOCUSSED with just the Annual Performance Appraisal, Pay rise, couple of International Publications as the guiding force. It took USA 100+ years to scientifically.... More
Nemonymous
11/14/2009 17:00 PM
We have nothng to worry about. It's all coming together via the Cern Zoo.
Mike
11/14/2009 08:10 AM
"The collisions will occur in an environment kept at temperatures lower than that found in the most empty and vacuous place in the Universe"
"vacuous" is right ;-)
malcolm mcewen
11/14/2009 06:23 AM
this is the main body of a text I posted on another site. There were a few exceptionally good posts posted by others so heres the link http://blogs.sciencemag.org/scienceinsider/2009/11/critics-of-god.html
CERN's safety reports: none of the scientists involved are independent of their beliefs, faith and total
Chtei
11/16/2009 19:01 PM
Get a job or read a book about science, Answers In Genesis doesn't count.
Erik
11/16/2009 18:06 PM
Except you're a moron.
Michael Noonan
11/14/2009 05:54 AM
The whole experiment is for pure science meaning it is not designed to produce anything of practical use. Simple as that.
The collider has just as much to do with proving science wrong as it has with proving science with all of its guesswork, paradox and strange unexplained anomalies is right.
Naturally if there was the slightest risk the science is wrong and the machine is unsafe they wouldn't run it, right? Wrong! Too many reputations ride on the expense of the experiment now just.... More
