Without fail, every single year, people across the United States openly ponder the potentially disastrous question of "What would happen if I intentionally placed [insert object name] inside my [insert orifice here]?"
For those who follow through on such curiosities, the end result is sometimes a humiliating and painful experience that requires a visit to the emergency room for extraction. Over on the website Deadspin, these unfortunate visits have become the focus of an annual tradition: combing the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits for the year's most embarrassing "stuck objects."
Below are just a few of the more bizarre and unique incidents we spied in the list. Don't worry, we skipped most of the references that might make you uncomfortable if your mom's in the room.
The ear might not be the first place you'd think would be easy to shove things into, but don't tell that to these patients. ER doctors and nurses extracted everything from gasoline (Why?!) to a deflated balloon, a broken crayon, a ake diamond and even a dog's paw. (A DOG'S PAW!?) The most impressive item found wedged in an ear, however, was a chess piece. Ouch.
The one orifice we've likely all messed around with at some time or another (and thanks to Mom for for solving it), but in 2016 the nose played host to objects like fish tank pebbles, an egg dye tablet and even some small magnets. As one report confirms, kids still enjoy shoving raisins up their noses: "Stuck a raisin up his right nostril, brother tried to remove with tweezers but patient moved."
In addition to such perplexing items as a ruler, hoop earring, glow sticks and a paint stirring stick with paint (HOW?!) one American also managed to consume his entire pill bottle. "Accidentally swallowed a pill bottle while taking his medication," the ER report stated.
We considered spending time to figure out how exactly this is possible, but there are so many more questions that need answering on this list first.
The rectum might as well be a post unto itself, with Deadspin collecting more than 25 unusual items that ER staff removed in 2016. These include a decorative pumpkin, a bingo chip, an egg timer and a curtain rod. A smiley hand toy from a vending machine was also listed.
You can view the full, incredible collection of items, including the group's finds from previous years, by visiting the site.