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Why women lose interest in sex
Study: The longer a woman is in a relationship, the more her sexual desire decreases. Men reported no such decrease.
Wed, Feb 01 2012 at 11:52 AM
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Photo: David De Lossy/Getty Images
New research is demonstrating what many people already knew from experience: Women lose interest in sex over time, while men don't.
The finding has the potential to help couples, the researchers said. Knowing that many women's sexual desire diminishes over the course of a relationship could encourage both partners to be more realistic about their sex lives, and could help them weather the changes in desire as they occur.
Sex researchers Sarah Murray and Robin Milhausen, both of the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada, asked 170 undergraduate women and men who had been in heterosexual relationships for anywhere from one month to nine years to report on their levels of relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction and sexual desire. Desire was scored using an established model called the Female Sexual Function Index, which ranges from 1.2 to 6.0.
The participants reported being generally satisfied with their relationships and sex lives, but women reported lower levels of desire depending on the length of their relationship. "Specifically, for each additional month women in this study were in a relationship with their partner, their sexual desire decreased by 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index," the authors wrote online Jan. 23 in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
In fact, relationship duration was a better predictor of sexual desire in women than both relationship and sexual satisfaction. While the 0.02 decrease in female desire was small, it contrasts with male desire, which held steady over time, the researchers said. [6 Scientific Tips for a Happy Relationship]
Evolution of desire
Scientists have disagreed on what happens to desire over the course of a relationship. "Some researchers suggest that both men's and women's desire would decrease over time as relationships move from passionate love to compassionate love," said Murray, the lead study author and a doctoral candidate in human sexuality.
Yet evolutionary theorists predict that male desire should remain perpetually high in order for them to produce many offspring, while female desire should decrease as their attention turns, historically, toward child-rearing.
The new research points toward the latter theory, although longer-duration studies on different groups of people are still needed, Murray said.
Men consistently report higher levels of sexual desire than women. Differences in levels of hormones — testosterone, specifically — are believed to at least partially explain the gender divide.
Hormonal changes that occur as couples move from the passionate early stage to the compassionate later stage into monogamous relationships sometime between six and 30 months may also mediate changes in desire over time. Pharmaceutical companies are currently researching the impact of testosterone on women's desire, but so far, the results have been inconclusive.
Hormones are only part of the story, Murray told LiveScience. "Although they are one piece of the sexual desire puzzle, focusing too heavily on hormones can remove the contextual factors that play into desire, such as whether or not a woman is in a satisfying, loving relationship, and if she has time to feel relaxed, playful and sexy," she said.
Keeping the spark alive
The results could help researchers understand why women who seek sex therapy complain of low desire more than any other problem. Differences in levels of desire within couples, known as desire discrepancy, is a growing area of interest for therapists.
"The concept of an absolute level of 'normal' or 'low' sexual desire is being replaced by the view that low sexual desire is relative to one's partner's level of desire," Murray said. But although desire discrepancy is known to negatively affect overall sexual and relationship satisfaction, very little else is understood about it, such as whether it contributes significantly to infidelity or breakups.
The new research could also help couples manage their relationships over time. In an earlier study, Murray found that women who reported more realistic expectations about what sex would be like in a long-term relationship also had higher levels of desire than those with less realistic expectations. "I think that individuals who expect to maintain the high level of excitement and passion that often exists in the first few months of a new relationship are setting up unrealistic expectations about what is to come and will be more disappointed when the desire and passion take on different forms," she said.
She added that normalizing the fact that sexual desire may decrease over time may help both sexes to understand that this decrease does not necessarily mean anything is intrinsically wrong with their relationship, and may help couples put more effort into their sexual relationship.
"When an individual has had sex with their partner over the course of many, many years, it takes creativity and openness to keep things fresh and exciting," Murray said. "Making time to be together and keep one's sex life as an important part of one’s relationship is very important, and putting in effort and keeping things fun and interesting are crucial components."
A long-term trend?
The researchers cautioned that longer-term studies of desire that include older couples could show different results. Younger women may report decreased desire as they experience their first relationship move away from the "honeymoon phase," for example.
They may also not have experienced some of the benefits of longer-term relationships that may increase desire, such as going on romantic vacations, getting engaged, learning more about their sexual likes — and feeling comfortable sharing those likes with their partner. [5 Ways Relationships Are Good for Your Health]
Murray added that the self-reported nature of the study could have also skewed the results. "It has been theorized that men may be less inclined to admit that they have low desire as this is considered against male gender norms and masculinity," she said. "Thus, it may be that men are not accurately reporting their level of desire and they may too experience a decrease." Murray is preparing to study whether men accurately report their levels of desire.
Follow Jen Abbasi on Twitter @jenabbasi. Follow LiveScience for the latest in science news and discoveries on Twitter @livescience and on Facebook.
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I want to have sex with my husband and he wants me.Why? because we love each other and treat each other with respect and dignity,we pleasure each other so sex is worth while for both of us.People might get alot more sex if they stopped putting each other down i don't think people are even capable of love anymore everyone is too damn selfish.People just really need to marry the right person in stead of trying to "change" the person they married in to there ideal.
Duh. Women get bored with their partners. I haven't seen a woman yet who didn't get excited over a movie star or good looking coworker, yet still be bored with her husband. And looking at most men, it's perfectly understandable. They really let themselves go.
As far as my 3 year relationship taught me, as a woman, my sex drive remained high, while my boyfriend's drive decreased steadily.
Form my own experience, this article is quite spot on. Being married 3 months ago; my interest is slowly diminishing. However, it is important to point out; once emotional needs of a woman is not met then physical desires for intimacy in the marriage will most probably go down . And yes marriage over the time is compassionate love rather than passionate love. When this happens, intimacy remains a need for the relationship but not on an individual desire.
This sounds about right but it's a bit depressing when put in print like this. I have been dating my guy now for two months and we are doing it everywhere but if I look back at previous relationships it rings true. I usually put it down to being boring, lack of foreplay or things I've discovered about the guy that are not sexy, like when, after a while, he thinks that farting in front of me is funny or he just never washes the dishes!
Violet Ivy, Author
violet-ivy.com
To be clear..... His woman means wife, s.o., girlfriend or as the case may be. Never said or implied that anyone owns someone else. Also I said many women, not all and certaininly not talking about each and every female in the world. So you know not what you are talking about.
That is such a sexist and backwards thing to say. 'Treats his woman well' what is this, the middle east? She's not your woman. Nobody is owned by anyone. I'd get bored of you too if you were trying to assert yourself as 'provider' and 'leader' and inhibiting my freedom. Saying women are spoiled and selfish is to reduce the situation to an unfounded characteristic everyone experiences occasionally to a whole 50% of the population. What the hell.
the more you stay i a relationship, the more boring it becomes.sex will equally be a bore with such a partner.it only confirms what economists say that utility deminishes the more one consumes a commodity...........
Both men and women lose interest, perhaps in this survey of undergrads the guys were just drinking too much compared to the women. In my case I just totally lost interest although I have to "do the plumbing" on demand and it does get tedious. In marriage women also marry for the wrong reasons (money, etc) and the chemistry maybe wasn't there in the first place. Usually why the 2nd marriage tends to work as there's too much baggage in the 1st.
Ridiculous. If your story is true, you now know why you test the milk before you invest in the cow. Honestly, this is a textbook case of using your common sense regardless of how you grew up.
What if it is the male side who have no interest?
'You know how a princess evolves to a witch? It takes a few years of marriage.
I lost interest in being sexual with the man I was with for 9 years because he preferred porno to me; and the research has repeatedly proven that men who prefer porno, lose the ability to maintain a healthy relationship with a "real", non-air-brushed female. Besides, I got tired of his ED and have a better time "alone"!
My first husband and I were together 14 years and made love almost daily and had two small children. We never lost interest in each other. I remarried at 40 to a man the same age, we have been together over 20 years and I can count the number of sexual encounters we've had on one hand. HE is not interested and refuses to talk about it or acknowledge the problem.
Why in the world did you leave the guy you had kids with and a high sex life and remarry??? (unless of course he passed on, in which case, I am very sorry for your loss) Also, if he isn't willing to talk about this problem and you're married to him, I wouldn't trust that he talks about a lot of other things in life, not sure why you're with him in the slightest.
Not always true.....my husband lost interest in sex about ten years into our 29 year marriage and I did not. Nothing sparks an interest with him. He'd rather cuddle than play. It's a shame because I'm too young to "go without".
* this analysis would be normally dis-considered .. sorry for the typing mistake!
My husband is gorgeous..really devoted..and cares for my pleasures...but I just can't get in the mood like him.... He deserves better I think...I'm only 35... No so is he.....we have 4 kids..native I'm in very good physical condition...size 12...Don't know what's wrong with me
We (generally) tend to get into relationships for the wrong reasons. So we lose interest easily. duhhhh!
these all thinking is only we taken with those womens how want sex with any but this is not fact.i m telling u.in ISLAM one men stay with one women for full life and both are satisfy with each other because they are doing hilal work(sex) in the boundaries of ISALM,so i m not agree with this research.thank u
Dude, no, people are people and boundaries are for a couple to decide not some dead religion. A man and woman should WANT to be together. not by force by LOVE. If my woman wants me, she just has to show up naked and bring beer and look out! I think of HER pleasure and listen to her, kiss her, love her.
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