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Why women lose interest in sex
Study: The longer a woman is in a relationship, the more her sexual desire decreases. Men reported no such decrease.
Wed, Feb 01 2012 at 11:52 AM
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Photo: David De Lossy/Getty Images
New research is demonstrating what many people already knew from experience: Women lose interest in sex over time, while men don't.
The finding has the potential to help couples, the researchers said. Knowing that many women's sexual desire diminishes over the course of a relationship could encourage both partners to be more realistic about their sex lives, and could help them weather the changes in desire as they occur.
Sex researchers Sarah Murray and Robin Milhausen, both of the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada, asked 170 undergraduate women and men who had been in heterosexual relationships for anywhere from one month to nine years to report on their levels of relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction and sexual desire. Desire was scored using an established model called the Female Sexual Function Index, which ranges from 1.2 to 6.0.
The participants reported being generally satisfied with their relationships and sex lives, but women reported lower levels of desire depending on the length of their relationship. "Specifically, for each additional month women in this study were in a relationship with their partner, their sexual desire decreased by 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index," the authors wrote online Jan. 23 in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
In fact, relationship duration was a better predictor of sexual desire in women than both relationship and sexual satisfaction. While the 0.02 decrease in female desire was small, it contrasts with male desire, which held steady over time, the researchers said. [6 Scientific Tips for a Happy Relationship]
Evolution of desire
Scientists have disagreed on what happens to desire over the course of a relationship. "Some researchers suggest that both men's and women's desire would decrease over time as relationships move from passionate love to compassionate love," said Murray, the lead study author and a doctoral candidate in human sexuality.
Yet evolutionary theorists predict that male desire should remain perpetually high in order for them to produce many offspring, while female desire should decrease as their attention turns, historically, toward child-rearing.
The new research points toward the latter theory, although longer-duration studies on different groups of people are still needed, Murray said.
Men consistently report higher levels of sexual desire than women. Differences in levels of hormones — testosterone, specifically — are believed to at least partially explain the gender divide.
Hormonal changes that occur as couples move from the passionate early stage to the compassionate later stage into monogamous relationships sometime between six and 30 months may also mediate changes in desire over time. Pharmaceutical companies are currently researching the impact of testosterone on women's desire, but so far, the results have been inconclusive.
Hormones are only part of the story, Murray told LiveScience. "Although they are one piece of the sexual desire puzzle, focusing too heavily on hormones can remove the contextual factors that play into desire, such as whether or not a woman is in a satisfying, loving relationship, and if she has time to feel relaxed, playful and sexy," she said.
Keeping the spark alive
The results could help researchers understand why women who seek sex therapy complain of low desire more than any other problem. Differences in levels of desire within couples, known as desire discrepancy, is a growing area of interest for therapists.
"The concept of an absolute level of 'normal' or 'low' sexual desire is being replaced by the view that low sexual desire is relative to one's partner's level of desire," Murray said. But although desire discrepancy is known to negatively affect overall sexual and relationship satisfaction, very little else is understood about it, such as whether it contributes significantly to infidelity or breakups.
The new research could also help couples manage their relationships over time. In an earlier study, Murray found that women who reported more realistic expectations about what sex would be like in a long-term relationship also had higher levels of desire than those with less realistic expectations. "I think that individuals who expect to maintain the high level of excitement and passion that often exists in the first few months of a new relationship are setting up unrealistic expectations about what is to come and will be more disappointed when the desire and passion take on different forms," she said.
She added that normalizing the fact that sexual desire may decrease over time may help both sexes to understand that this decrease does not necessarily mean anything is intrinsically wrong with their relationship, and may help couples put more effort into their sexual relationship.
"When an individual has had sex with their partner over the course of many, many years, it takes creativity and openness to keep things fresh and exciting," Murray said. "Making time to be together and keep one's sex life as an important part of one’s relationship is very important, and putting in effort and keeping things fun and interesting are crucial components."
A long-term trend?
The researchers cautioned that longer-term studies of desire that include older couples could show different results. Younger women may report decreased desire as they experience their first relationship move away from the "honeymoon phase," for example.
They may also not have experienced some of the benefits of longer-term relationships that may increase desire, such as going on romantic vacations, getting engaged, learning more about their sexual likes — and feeling comfortable sharing those likes with their partner. [5 Ways Relationships Are Good for Your Health]
Murray added that the self-reported nature of the study could have also skewed the results. "It has been theorized that men may be less inclined to admit that they have low desire as this is considered against male gender norms and masculinity," she said. "Thus, it may be that men are not accurately reporting their level of desire and they may too experience a decrease." Murray is preparing to study whether men accurately report their levels of desire.
Follow Jen Abbasi on Twitter @jenabbasi. Follow LiveScience for the latest in science news and discoveries on Twitter @livescience and on Facebook. Copyright 2012 LiveScience, a TechMediaNetwork company. All rights reserved.
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he is absolutely right
men today do not inspire desire they are not handsome, hunky, masculine or hot..they are wimps and into their gadgets they have lost their masculinity for the most part and women cannot get hot over nothing!
I totally forgot that all women are turned on by the exact same thing! Women are so simple! Who knew?!
after years o exsperience with the opposit sex i know what puts women off sex its wedding cake clive
I found my wife boring after a couple of years and had sex periodically because she wanted it. I'm sure there are plenty of guys just like me but will not speak up. I think it's natural for guys to become bored and do not believe this study one bit. Men want more than just one woman. I've been faithful to my wife because I know if I went with another attractive woman it would just get boring with her too after a while so what is the point. There is porn.
I agree Anon. same here, and I had it too in other relationships.
Can't be bothered to do the act. and me to, no desire to go elsewhere.
Its not your wives who are boring, it's you who is bored with yourselves. You men are not nurturing your purpose in this life. Once you find your identity again meaning , working on your "Higher self" spiritually , you will witness the beauty how Divine your love and her love for you . Watch how your love life will spike. You are missing out "fun" in your life. Lose the arrogance and the ego and find your intuition what makes you find joy.
Anyone going to comment on the "science" here? A sample comprised of 170 undergraduates is not representative. It's real easy to find an evolutionary narrative to explain away social assumptions about sexuality. Check out "Sex at Dawn" (http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/0061707813) . Wayyyyyyyy better use of time.
A pleasure to read these comments. Respectful yet feeling expression on a sensitive topic. Wish all boards were as free from a**holism. Thanks you'all.
Hi, I'm looking for a solution to a problem. I'm a 66 yr old male, fairly fit and active. My wife is 3 yrs younger, works, is a little o'weight but active.
The last time we had sex was on my 50th birthday. She doesn't want to talk about it, I am frustrated, she has no interest whatsoever and I don't want to leave her. How an I re-kindle her interest What's the solution.
The number one reason that causes women to lose interest in sex is called Wedding Cake !
that's too bad jay. i am 51 and my girl is 60 and we have great sex almost every day. so stick around and maybe once the kids are grown and there's less responsibilities and just the two of you in the house your sex life will return to what it once was.
It depends on the female. Some women will be appreciative and reciprocate, whilst others, (and I guess to a certain degree, it's human nature...) Sometimes the more you do for a person, the less you receive. It's like you're 'Enabling' them. Try not to do so much for her, still be respectful, but don't spoil her so much. This is why she is not appreciating you. Goodluck with things. (-I'm Female btw : )
For many years now I have been saying: "Treat women well, but not TOO well!"
I think you must be married to my X-wife! LOL
What are you wanting? More sex? Does she know you love her? Do you make her feel special ? Is she depressed? Have you told her how you feel? How do you know that she's not getting attention from someone else. Make her feel bad about herself and things will never change. I have news for you a 2 year can be exhausting .
Maybe we lose interest because we get tired of our husband's/boyfriend's inability to give us orgasms. Or maybe, we just get tired of lying that it's okay that he's small "down there"! LMAO ;-)
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