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Why women lose interest in sex
Study: The longer a woman is in a relationship, the more her sexual desire decreases. Men reported no such decrease.
Wed, Feb 01 2012 at 11:52 AM
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Photo: David De Lossy/Getty Images
New research is demonstrating what many people already knew from experience: Women lose interest in sex over time, while men don't.
The finding has the potential to help couples, the researchers said. Knowing that many women's sexual desire diminishes over the course of a relationship could encourage both partners to be more realistic about their sex lives, and could help them weather the changes in desire as they occur.
Sex researchers Sarah Murray and Robin Milhausen, both of the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada, asked 170 undergraduate women and men who had been in heterosexual relationships for anywhere from one month to nine years to report on their levels of relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction and sexual desire. Desire was scored using an established model called the Female Sexual Function Index, which ranges from 1.2 to 6.0.
The participants reported being generally satisfied with their relationships and sex lives, but women reported lower levels of desire depending on the length of their relationship. "Specifically, for each additional month women in this study were in a relationship with their partner, their sexual desire decreased by 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index," the authors wrote online Jan. 23 in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
In fact, relationship duration was a better predictor of sexual desire in women than both relationship and sexual satisfaction. While the 0.02 decrease in female desire was small, it contrasts with male desire, which held steady over time, the researchers said. [6 Scientific Tips for a Happy Relationship]
Evolution of desire
Scientists have disagreed on what happens to desire over the course of a relationship. "Some researchers suggest that both men's and women's desire would decrease over time as relationships move from passionate love to compassionate love," said Murray, the lead study author and a doctoral candidate in human sexuality.
Yet evolutionary theorists predict that male desire should remain perpetually high in order for them to produce many offspring, while female desire should decrease as their attention turns, historically, toward child-rearing.
The new research points toward the latter theory, although longer-duration studies on different groups of people are still needed, Murray said.
Men consistently report higher levels of sexual desire than women. Differences in levels of hormones — testosterone, specifically — are believed to at least partially explain the gender divide.
Hormonal changes that occur as couples move from the passionate early stage to the compassionate later stage into monogamous relationships sometime between six and 30 months may also mediate changes in desire over time. Pharmaceutical companies are currently researching the impact of testosterone on women's desire, but so far, the results have been inconclusive.
Hormones are only part of the story, Murray told LiveScience. "Although they are one piece of the sexual desire puzzle, focusing too heavily on hormones can remove the contextual factors that play into desire, such as whether or not a woman is in a satisfying, loving relationship, and if she has time to feel relaxed, playful and sexy," she said.
Keeping the spark alive
The results could help researchers understand why women who seek sex therapy complain of low desire more than any other problem. Differences in levels of desire within couples, known as desire discrepancy, is a growing area of interest for therapists.
"The concept of an absolute level of 'normal' or 'low' sexual desire is being replaced by the view that low sexual desire is relative to one's partner's level of desire," Murray said. But although desire discrepancy is known to negatively affect overall sexual and relationship satisfaction, very little else is understood about it, such as whether it contributes significantly to infidelity or breakups.
The new research could also help couples manage their relationships over time. In an earlier study, Murray found that women who reported more realistic expectations about what sex would be like in a long-term relationship also had higher levels of desire than those with less realistic expectations. "I think that individuals who expect to maintain the high level of excitement and passion that often exists in the first few months of a new relationship are setting up unrealistic expectations about what is to come and will be more disappointed when the desire and passion take on different forms," she said.
She added that normalizing the fact that sexual desire may decrease over time may help both sexes to understand that this decrease does not necessarily mean anything is intrinsically wrong with their relationship, and may help couples put more effort into their sexual relationship.
"When an individual has had sex with their partner over the course of many, many years, it takes creativity and openness to keep things fresh and exciting," Murray said. "Making time to be together and keep one's sex life as an important part of one’s relationship is very important, and putting in effort and keeping things fun and interesting are crucial components."
A long-term trend?
The researchers cautioned that longer-term studies of desire that include older couples could show different results. Younger women may report decreased desire as they experience their first relationship move away from the "honeymoon phase," for example.
They may also not have experienced some of the benefits of longer-term relationships that may increase desire, such as going on romantic vacations, getting engaged, learning more about their sexual likes — and feeling comfortable sharing those likes with their partner. [5 Ways Relationships Are Good for Your Health]
Murray added that the self-reported nature of the study could have also skewed the results. "It has been theorized that men may be less inclined to admit that they have low desire as this is considered against male gender norms and masculinity," she said. "Thus, it may be that men are not accurately reporting their level of desire and they may too experience a decrease." Murray is preparing to study whether men accurately report their levels of desire.
Follow Jen Abbasi on Twitter @jenabbasi. Follow LiveScience for the latest in science news and discoveries on Twitter @livescience and on Facebook. Copyright 2012 LiveScience, a TechMediaNetwork company. All rights reserved.
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exactly how i feel...a bit more care from his side and I would be more attentive too.
I think, they should also take into account other factors like the birth control pill. Then, pairs of the same age should be compared to each other, one group with long-term and the other with a short-term relationship. Only changes in sex desire should count, not absolute values as the latter cannot be compared interindividually. Values of desire must really be evaluated immediatly, not ex post. Unfortunately, biases are too strong, people often fail to judge their own feeling ex post.
Real reason concealed to public....birth control. It neuters women ovulations. Women unconsciously know it including less secretion or emission of sexual scents and react by sexing up their body with clothes makeup and plastic. Consider a young girl with little attention to these things is attractive being fresh....no birth control......
If her man would be good in bed and be appealing, she'd probably want to have sex with him. I found out, it wasn't that I didn't like sex, I didn't like my lazy, unskilled slob of a partner.
Found a man who was attractive, smart and knew how to make me feel good- fixed the problem.
Fine. If women become too lazy or boring to want sex with their usual partner, and dont love their men enough to consider ways of meeting their needs - men should openly look outside the marriage to meet their sex needs, and everyone should be ok with that. Or - Swing!
You should ask for sex only from the one you love...Love should not be overlooked for your BODILY desires mate!
If your partner turns you down for sex for a night or 2,you should just w8 for her to respond +vely,rather than giving in to a prostitute,etc
Boy! Reading all these comments makes me realize how fortunate I am to have avoided marital bliss.
I'm in my late 30s and the men I know are actually sloppier, fatter, & more obnoxious than their wives (including my own husband). I've had 3 children, yet my weight is going down & he's the one who gets fatter every year.
Wow...just as I always thought most married people are miserable!
I am sick of sex being pushed onto EVERYONE (babies included) It's monsterous, it's ugly,nasty,dirty. You cannot get away from it. It's everyware. Sex should be quite, serene, and private.
My wife and I have been married 41 years and truthfully our sex keeps getting better. I think the above article and "study" are trying to simplify a complex matter.
I am over 50 and have always had a great sexdrive, it has calmed down some, likely due to a partner who could care less if he ever had sex, I don't know who they survey to get their info for these topics, both my ex husband and current partner have zero sexdrive, and it's not me, men constantly ask me out.
or you could not have kids. That has worked for my husband and I. We've been together for over a decade and still have sex almost every night! Not populating the earth = better sex life.
My wife and I had sex most days for over 30 years then health problems kicked in. So life takes many turns if you stay in a long term relationship. The desire is still there but the body does not function the same when health plays a factor. Drugs to help your health can hinder the juices of sex.
Doing it almost every night for the first decade should be a given in a good relationship.
Oh, you're frustrated? You poor thing.
Imagine how frustrating it must be for her to have a husband who thinks going to the office for 8 hours a day while she takes on the 24/7 job of raising his kids, cleaning his house, and cooking his meals entitles him to sex whenever he wants it whether SHE wants it or not.
Dude, YOU are the one who needs to change. Not her.
What world do you live in. Most of the women I know work outside the home, come home to take care of the kids, fix dinner, clean the house while the husband comes home to sit on his lazy butt and watch TV. Then he has the nerve to get upset if she is to tired for sex. Most of the women I know are simply to tired to worry about their sex lives.
Having more children is a way to put more distance between the two of you. Counseling recommended.
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