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Why women lose interest in sex
Study: The longer a woman is in a relationship, the more her sexual desire decreases. Men reported no such decrease.
Wed, Feb 01 2012 at 11:52 AM
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Photo: David De Lossy/Getty Images
New research is demonstrating what many people already knew from experience: Women lose interest in sex over time, while men don't.
The finding has the potential to help couples, the researchers said. Knowing that many women's sexual desire diminishes over the course of a relationship could encourage both partners to be more realistic about their sex lives, and could help them weather the changes in desire as they occur.
Sex researchers Sarah Murray and Robin Milhausen, both of the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada, asked 170 undergraduate women and men who had been in heterosexual relationships for anywhere from one month to nine years to report on their levels of relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction and sexual desire. Desire was scored using an established model called the Female Sexual Function Index, which ranges from 1.2 to 6.0.
The participants reported being generally satisfied with their relationships and sex lives, but women reported lower levels of desire depending on the length of their relationship. "Specifically, for each additional month women in this study were in a relationship with their partner, their sexual desire decreased by 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index," the authors wrote online Jan. 23 in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
In fact, relationship duration was a better predictor of sexual desire in women than both relationship and sexual satisfaction. While the 0.02 decrease in female desire was small, it contrasts with male desire, which held steady over time, the researchers said. [6 Scientific Tips for a Happy Relationship]
Evolution of desire
Scientists have disagreed on what happens to desire over the course of a relationship. "Some researchers suggest that both men's and women's desire would decrease over time as relationships move from passionate love to compassionate love," said Murray, the lead study author and a doctoral candidate in human sexuality.
Yet evolutionary theorists predict that male desire should remain perpetually high in order for them to produce many offspring, while female desire should decrease as their attention turns, historically, toward child-rearing.
The new research points toward the latter theory, although longer-duration studies on different groups of people are still needed, Murray said.
Men consistently report higher levels of sexual desire than women. Differences in levels of hormones — testosterone, specifically — are believed to at least partially explain the gender divide.
Hormonal changes that occur as couples move from the passionate early stage to the compassionate later stage into monogamous relationships sometime between six and 30 months may also mediate changes in desire over time. Pharmaceutical companies are currently researching the impact of testosterone on women's desire, but so far, the results have been inconclusive.
Hormones are only part of the story, Murray told LiveScience. "Although they are one piece of the sexual desire puzzle, focusing too heavily on hormones can remove the contextual factors that play into desire, such as whether or not a woman is in a satisfying, loving relationship, and if she has time to feel relaxed, playful and sexy," she said.
Keeping the spark alive
The results could help researchers understand why women who seek sex therapy complain of low desire more than any other problem. Differences in levels of desire within couples, known as desire discrepancy, is a growing area of interest for therapists.
"The concept of an absolute level of 'normal' or 'low' sexual desire is being replaced by the view that low sexual desire is relative to one's partner's level of desire," Murray said. But although desire discrepancy is known to negatively affect overall sexual and relationship satisfaction, very little else is understood about it, such as whether it contributes significantly to infidelity or breakups.
The new research could also help couples manage their relationships over time. In an earlier study, Murray found that women who reported more realistic expectations about what sex would be like in a long-term relationship also had higher levels of desire than those with less realistic expectations. "I think that individuals who expect to maintain the high level of excitement and passion that often exists in the first few months of a new relationship are setting up unrealistic expectations about what is to come and will be more disappointed when the desire and passion take on different forms," she said.
She added that normalizing the fact that sexual desire may decrease over time may help both sexes to understand that this decrease does not necessarily mean anything is intrinsically wrong with their relationship, and may help couples put more effort into their sexual relationship.
"When an individual has had sex with their partner over the course of many, many years, it takes creativity and openness to keep things fresh and exciting," Murray said. "Making time to be together and keep one's sex life as an important part of one’s relationship is very important, and putting in effort and keeping things fun and interesting are crucial components."
A long-term trend?
The researchers cautioned that longer-term studies of desire that include older couples could show different results. Younger women may report decreased desire as they experience their first relationship move away from the "honeymoon phase," for example.
They may also not have experienced some of the benefits of longer-term relationships that may increase desire, such as going on romantic vacations, getting engaged, learning more about their sexual likes — and feeling comfortable sharing those likes with their partner. [5 Ways Relationships Are Good for Your Health]
Murray added that the self-reported nature of the study could have also skewed the results. "It has been theorized that men may be less inclined to admit that they have low desire as this is considered against male gender norms and masculinity," she said. "Thus, it may be that men are not accurately reporting their level of desire and they may too experience a decrease." Murray is preparing to study whether men accurately report their levels of desire.
Follow Jen Abbasi on Twitter @jenabbasi. Follow LiveScience for the latest in science news and discoveries on Twitter @livescience and on Facebook.
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5 times a week O.o
Sign me up. After being with my wife for 10 yrs im lucky for 5 times a month. And we are both very open people, the attraction is still there... It just doesnt seem to rate very high on the priorities list to some i suppose.
And this is why men don't want to commit to a relationship with you. At least now we have scientific evidence to back us up.
Sounds like an advertisement for polygamy.
If they can't perform for the entire length of the marriage, by all means.
I have been married for 30 yrs and untill my husband hurt my feelings sex was a have to thing....then I could care less because he acted like he didnt care for me anymore... I met somene and the sex was crazy. I have slowed down some now and stayed with my husband andstopped seeing the other man. My problem with my husband is it is just the same boring way... only way he wants it....sometimes once a weekend isnt enough for me to feel truely loved.
People should do it the indian way, mother/son and father daughter, when kids grow up they marry and stay in the same house with their parents and are given time to be intimate when the other family members take a walk, with such arrangement you can waste your chance.
What? I don't think you're saying what it sounds like your saying. Incest is not "the Indian way"... Indians from India or Native Americans.
They meant that in homes with multiple generations living there, alone time is a scarce thing. Every chance to ride the bologna pony is special because you never know when you'll get the next chance.
He would probably appreciate it way more than he could ever say. I am sure he would sit back sometimes and think "gosh, why did I say that to her". Now he would be so fed up and annoyed that his life was like this, he had to take some of his misery out on you. But you are a great person for putting up with it and i would be bitter too =)
thats funny........even though that I'm still a 40 yr virgin
The day men and women,sit down and dialoge or speak out,about what they desire most in their sexual encounters,including sex toys,various hot spots that must be activated by one another,sex life will be a better and more enjoyful gift for each other.Love each other more,by being sincere and down to earth.
perhaps this study should also include same sex couples to get a better idea. perhaps women become disenchanted with male partners when they get tired of doing gender assigned menial chores.Also the men are probably lying.
Men tend not to change over the years, but women tend to grow so never the train shall meet again. If you are lucky enough to find that rare man that has also grown along with you, hold on to him for god sakes! After a certain number of years, it's simply easier to go without Especially with all the toys they have out there that always promise you a good time. ;)
The same can be said from the male perspective... Ive said actually that exact line to my wife before. After 10 yrs together, and the infrequency of sex, sometimes it seems simpler to just not go there.
Do i really need to deal with all the female issues... i mean i have a hand all of my own. And it doesnt need lots of clothes, or weekly back rubs...
Guess the point is i think both sides get fed up now and then, but it doesnt mean we should stop trying to improve our relationships.
So utterly true mojomoonjo. Men cease to have a purpose when a woman has her independence. Guarantee result with toy than a penis any day.
You keep telling yourself that
Women never lose interest in sex, just their partner.
This makes sense.
I wish I had said it that simply & truthfully. lol
Just like men. Perhaps instead of a lifelong commitment a 5 year lease; renewable by BOTH parties only.
There has got to be a solutioon, our marriage stats state there is a problem.
Actually, that could technically be true: if after several months you aren't pregnant yet, the "female" side of your body may basically be saying "This one's no use, let's find a FERTILE man." even if you yourself are not interested in kids at that point in time!
agree, I am 100% not interested in children, would prefer poison, but I think there is something sexy about a man who has had children before...even if his personality is not really right for me.
"Testicle-Eating Fish Discovered in Illinois Lake."
I'm sorry - just cannot resist these temptations! Don't banish me. It's too much fun!
I turned 50 this summer and am an attractive triathlete who loves sex but is married to a man who is addicted to porn. He has nothing left for me and is quite literally pissing away our intimacy.
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