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Why women lose interest in sex
Study: The longer a woman is in a relationship, the more her sexual desire decreases. Men reported no such decrease.
Wed, Feb 01 2012 at 11:52 AM
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Photo: David De Lossy/Getty Images
New research is demonstrating what many people already knew from experience: Women lose interest in sex over time, while men don't.
The finding has the potential to help couples, the researchers said. Knowing that many women's sexual desire diminishes over the course of a relationship could encourage both partners to be more realistic about their sex lives, and could help them weather the changes in desire as they occur.
Sex researchers Sarah Murray and Robin Milhausen, both of the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada, asked 170 undergraduate women and men who had been in heterosexual relationships for anywhere from one month to nine years to report on their levels of relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction and sexual desire. Desire was scored using an established model called the Female Sexual Function Index, which ranges from 1.2 to 6.0.
The participants reported being generally satisfied with their relationships and sex lives, but women reported lower levels of desire depending on the length of their relationship. "Specifically, for each additional month women in this study were in a relationship with their partner, their sexual desire decreased by 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index," the authors wrote online Jan. 23 in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
In fact, relationship duration was a better predictor of sexual desire in women than both relationship and sexual satisfaction. While the 0.02 decrease in female desire was small, it contrasts with male desire, which held steady over time, the researchers said. [6 Scientific Tips for a Happy Relationship]
Evolution of desire
Scientists have disagreed on what happens to desire over the course of a relationship. "Some researchers suggest that both men's and women's desire would decrease over time as relationships move from passionate love to compassionate love," said Murray, the lead study author and a doctoral candidate in human sexuality.
Yet evolutionary theorists predict that male desire should remain perpetually high in order for them to produce many offspring, while female desire should decrease as their attention turns, historically, toward child-rearing.
The new research points toward the latter theory, although longer-duration studies on different groups of people are still needed, Murray said.
Men consistently report higher levels of sexual desire than women. Differences in levels of hormones — testosterone, specifically — are believed to at least partially explain the gender divide.
Hormonal changes that occur as couples move from the passionate early stage to the compassionate later stage into monogamous relationships sometime between six and 30 months may also mediate changes in desire over time. Pharmaceutical companies are currently researching the impact of testosterone on women's desire, but so far, the results have been inconclusive.
Hormones are only part of the story, Murray told LiveScience. "Although they are one piece of the sexual desire puzzle, focusing too heavily on hormones can remove the contextual factors that play into desire, such as whether or not a woman is in a satisfying, loving relationship, and if she has time to feel relaxed, playful and sexy," she said.
Keeping the spark alive
The results could help researchers understand why women who seek sex therapy complain of low desire more than any other problem. Differences in levels of desire within couples, known as desire discrepancy, is a growing area of interest for therapists.
"The concept of an absolute level of 'normal' or 'low' sexual desire is being replaced by the view that low sexual desire is relative to one's partner's level of desire," Murray said. But although desire discrepancy is known to negatively affect overall sexual and relationship satisfaction, very little else is understood about it, such as whether it contributes significantly to infidelity or breakups.
The new research could also help couples manage their relationships over time. In an earlier study, Murray found that women who reported more realistic expectations about what sex would be like in a long-term relationship also had higher levels of desire than those with less realistic expectations. "I think that individuals who expect to maintain the high level of excitement and passion that often exists in the first few months of a new relationship are setting up unrealistic expectations about what is to come and will be more disappointed when the desire and passion take on different forms," she said.
She added that normalizing the fact that sexual desire may decrease over time may help both sexes to understand that this decrease does not necessarily mean anything is intrinsically wrong with their relationship, and may help couples put more effort into their sexual relationship.
"When an individual has had sex with their partner over the course of many, many years, it takes creativity and openness to keep things fresh and exciting," Murray said. "Making time to be together and keep one's sex life as an important part of one’s relationship is very important, and putting in effort and keeping things fun and interesting are crucial components."
A long-term trend?
The researchers cautioned that longer-term studies of desire that include older couples could show different results. Younger women may report decreased desire as they experience their first relationship move away from the "honeymoon phase," for example.
They may also not have experienced some of the benefits of longer-term relationships that may increase desire, such as going on romantic vacations, getting engaged, learning more about their sexual likes — and feeling comfortable sharing those likes with their partner. [5 Ways Relationships Are Good for Your Health]
Murray added that the self-reported nature of the study could have also skewed the results. "It has been theorized that men may be less inclined to admit that they have low desire as this is considered against male gender norms and masculinity," she said. "Thus, it may be that men are not accurately reporting their level of desire and they may too experience a decrease." Murray is preparing to study whether men accurately report their levels of desire.
Follow Jen Abbasi on Twitter @jenabbasi. Follow LiveScience for the latest in science news and discoveries on Twitter @livescience and on Facebook.
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Are You addicted to 'training'? I literally have to push my spouse in bed to get them away from the distractions like work and study, kids,shopping, friends, sleep, all else. I'm just saying it sounds like a triathlete would be training ALOT!
I just wish or hope I live close to you and could help your flustrations. Never been with a sex starved lady. My second wife allowed me closeness once a month, so have been single ever since, just gave up all together. Have learned so much, but too late now. JB
A 50 year old attractive female triathlete ?
Yeah right
LMAO yeah I agree, most women start to lose their looks in their twenties (even though they refuse to admit it)
I'm 24 and happen to find women in their 30s and 40s incredibly attractive. I've definitely seen women pushing 50 that were very attractive as well.
@Anonymous, I know you didn't just say that. You see, that's why women have some many worries now, here we have some woman haters saying out down remarks about women.
Well, if women lose their looks in their twenties, then men lose their looks in their twenties too.
Dang, he's missing out.
Guys! But it also happens - a woman 56 years. Was married for 30 years. Has an adult son. And suddenly recognized that not experienced such a wonderful feeling, even in her youth!
Her words: "I have lost count!"
And I have done only once - in the morning!
So, what's the deal? Or in whom?
I cannot understand this comment
LOL how did Vlad's comment get two likes ? How did those two people understand when I find every sentence interesting but contradictory!
Doubt it's hormonal, as women's desire doesn't seem to decrease, just her appetite for a particular partner. And no matter how inventive a man is in the sack, it's irrelevant if you don't want to be in the sack with that man.
In my opinion, it has much more to do with disillusionment.
It has to do with men being slobs and not doing housework. How attractive are you supposed to find someone you have to pick up after? Kills it for me.
According to science, males mysteriously begin losing the hormone "choreagen", which controls the desire to do household chores, starting at age 18. Rather than blaming and shaming males for this, women should act as loving and supportive caregivers to their choreagen-deprived spouses, by gradually taking over all house-related chores. -- signed Dr. Willington Caruthers, a real doctor
stupid
Irrespective of gender the drive decreases with age. May be, men are less likely to admit it.
Tell that to my 67 year old professor who tried grabbing my lab partners ass.
'...In a plural marriage, the natural dropoff in women help with adding new wives and raising more children...'
You are one of those idiotic men who thinks only of male sexual pleasure. Just get another wife and the fact the older wife would then have no sex life is just fine with you, because they are just an object, right?
I pity the woman who gets involved with someone like you.
well according to the way a lot of married women behave he is correct.... i've got a headache tonight... fine ok... off to see wife no#2... if you want sexual pleasure then start putting it out honey.... you can't have it both ways....
I am a fit "attractive" woman just over 70. I am orgasmic to the fullest extent. Appropriate men age-wise do not satisfy me. Quite a few much younger men come on to me. Yet I don't want to date someone 10 years younger because I want to integrate my lover with family and friends and I feel uneasy about the cougar thing. It is almost as if I need two men in my life--one for the bedroom and one for the family and friend socializing. Any advice?
A vibrator. And lower your standards.
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