How can I get my green husband to wear underwear again?
Q: Yo Matt! I love my dark green husband, Russell. He’s passionate, intelligent, and fiercely committed to lessening his environmental footprint so that future generations can enjoy Mother Earth as much as he does. He also makes a mean ginger and tempeh stir-fry. But recently, very much to my chagrin, he stopped wearing underpants … around the house and in public. He thinks that by going commando, he’ll send the conventional cotton and fashion industry a message while broadcasting some socio-political message about masculine identity. I understand what Russell’s getting at (kind of) but it’s not 1968. The thing is, sometimes he gets so worked up he forgets about what is and what isn’t socially acceptable. This can’t go on much longer and I already have a “You will wear boxer shorts to work” intervention planned. However, I need some help. I know that basically any garment — from hats to shoes — can be made from sustainable fibers. The problem is, I can’t seem to find any eco-friendly men’s unmentionables at local stores and I’d prefer to have something to present to him as alternative to “nothing” when we sit down for our chat. Any leads?
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Comments(33)
Posted By Anonymous - Tue, Oct 13 2009 at 2:44 PM ESTGive me a break!
Guess what... men have penises. Sorry if you don't like that fact. Keeping them bound up just because there are people out there who are squeamish is just silly. If you don't like looking at the outline of a guy's junk, try looking him in the eye when you talk to him.
Posted By Major Bawls - Tue, Oct 13 2009 at 2:15 PM ESTNo such thing as Green anything
Another ridiculous attempt at being "Green" when the reality is that you're still buying items that are manufactured, then shipped FROM ANOTHER COUNTY. Morans. Here's a simple way to reduce your footprint: disregard "organic" nonsense and simply buy nothing but black underwear. No bleach necessary. No overwashing to get out stains. Finally, WEAR UNDERWEAR. It is LESS taxing on the environment to clean thin cotton than it is to wash heavier pants more often.
Then, if you want to save even more.... More
Posted By Anonymous - Tue, Oct 13 2009 at 12:15 PM ESTAffluence...
Affluence is the only explanation for the effluence of this idiotic topic. How rich do you have to be to sit around wringing your hands about such matters? How much free time to you people have? Do you have so little in your lives you have to fill the void with such self-aggrandisement? I'm all for being more eco-friendly but this is just about being EGO-friendly.
Posted By Angelus - Tue, Oct 13 2009 at 10:58 AM ESTCommando Is My Middle Name
Do you know how tight it is down there for people like us who have big packages? My little ones (I mean huge) need some space (huge space) to breathe. They can't be confined into tiny spaces, they need their freedom too.
Posted By heather - Tue, Oct 13 2009 at 9:52 AM ESTsorry you guys don't see the issue
but the thing is, when a guy is well endowed, it is INCREDIBLY obvious when he's not wearing underwear. and quite honestly, i don't want to look at that at work any more than i want to look at the receptionist's too tight pants creating a camel toe/moose knuckle. i'm not a prude, i just don't need to have my husband basically waving his frank and beans in everybody elses' faces in public. at home, he's free to be as naked as he wants, but when we're going out for a nice dinner, i'd like.... More
Posted By Bob - Tue, Oct 13 2009 at 7:53 AM ESTAre You Stupid?
There is nothing 'unhygenic' about going commando, let the poor man be. Jesus, do you dress him in the morning and comb his hair for him too? From the sounds of things you would probably try.
Apparently the line between wife and mother is a little blurry in your house.
Posted By bb - Tue, Oct 13 2009 at 4:14 AM ESTGoing commando used to bother my wife ...
but my girlfriend is fine with it.
Posted By Anonymous - Tue, Oct 13 2009 at 2:08 AM ESTI'd go commando, too, damn.
sleeping naked is the best feeling ever.
Posted By Captian Awesome... - Tue, Oct 13 2009 at 2:04 AM ESTUnderwear and the enviroment...
Let me begin by saying piss off and let your man do what he wants with his meat and two veg.
I'm for the enviroment, i ride a push bike everywhere, i shower daily and change underwear daily, casual pants (jeans, dickiesTM, etc) get washed less frequently. I figure more underwear washing and less pants washing puts me ahead. Plus my man love affair with my bike seat up my butt for 150km per week pretty much ensures skid marks.
Are you going to get him to wax his back because its.... More
Posted By Anonymous - Tue, Oct 13 2009 at 1:25 AM ESTWhat's wrong with commando?
What's so wrong about going commando? It's comfortable (unless you're wearing really new jeans) and, as long as he's the one willing to deal with the occasional skid mark, why complain? Unless, that is, you're now deprived of one of your favorite holiday gifts. If that's the case, do more brainstorming, and leave his underpants (or lack thereof) alone.
Posted By dave - Tue, Oct 13 2009 at 1:23 AM ESTFree Willy
My nuts sweat more when they're constrained. It's likely more hygienic to free ball than to pack 'em in tight.
My first question when I saw this headline on digg: What does it matter if he's out in public without underpants? Who's gonna know?
Posted By Anonymous - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 10:35 PM ESTControl Freak
Seriously? Chill out, let the guy do what he wants and stop trying to be a control freak.
Posted By Ben - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 10:16 PM ESTit's 1968 for men
and you are the equivalent of a 1960's male. Take all the feminist arguments reverse the sexes and apply them to yourself.
Perhaps you should accept him as an equal and suggest an underwear burning in the backyard.
Posted By Doug - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 10:14 PM ESTLEAVE THE POOR MAN ALONE
Quit being a controlling harpy and leave the guy be. Your reason for sacrificing in comfort is "it's not 1968?" If you have such a strong need to micromanage people, just start a business or something.
Posted By Kilt wearing Scott - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 10:01 PM ESTProudly Pantsless
I'm an American actually, but of both Scottish and Irish ancestry, and I love wearing my kilt. Of course, I wear it in true fashion, letting my soldier enjoy the benefits of the kilt as well. I've never had any problems (other than of course curious people trying to figure out if I do wear it how I'm supposed to) with the not wearing any underwear, and never gotten complaints. I also don't get what the unhygienic buzz is. Do you really think a little piece of dirty cloth standing between you.... More
Posted By Daju Wilson - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 9:46 PM ESTMoisture Wicking = Bullsh*t
I've seldom worn underwear in the past 13 years or so, though in the Army, they made us wear underwear during Basic Training. After the second week I stopped wearing them, I found that it was better to get some airflow down there, and also let the sweat bead up and run down the legs. Also, underwear keeps the skin squished together, and wet, which is uncomfortable and promotes irritation.
Posted By joeroe - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 9:35 PM ESTCommando, a haiku
I don't like boxers
briefs have disappointed me
wipe well, no skid marks
Seriously though, I have not worn underwear on a regular basis for a good 4-5 years. I do not find it necessary; I shower regularly and wipe well so any hygienic problems are easily avoided. Let the man do what he wants, it's a comfortable feeling, especially when it starts getting slightly colder outside. I do it so often, I forget that there's some immature taboo against it. That and puritanical people who.... More
Posted By Mei Long Wong - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 9:02 PM ESTUnderware Lowers Sperm Count
I haven’t worn underwear for forty years. Too tight underwear reduces sperm count. My wife has never suggested I ware underwear or complain about “odor”. Of course I do take a shower every day.
This woman needs to understand that men don’t have vaginal discharges. We don’t need to be bound up. We need to hang loose in the breeze!
Posted By Bob Jones - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 9:01 PM ESTMoisture wicking...
I'm confused about the issue of needing underwear to "wick" moisture away from the region. I mean, I've been 'wearless for the last three months and will never look back. Sure, when I wear wool dress pants, I end up constricting the boys, but any of the comments here about moisture generally would pertain to women. FYI, ladies we don't leak like you do. And, use some Cottonelle wipes for your ***, gents and you won't have the mudflap issue. Oh, and by the way, it's not "green" it's just.... More
Posted By gregh - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 8:39 PM ESTleave him be
Chadimus has got it spot on. I'd bet that if it weren't for her husband going commando that bothered this woman, she'd find something else that he does to complain about. Besides the environmental impact of cotton, let us not forget about the waste of water for laundry. I stopped wearing underwear a couple of years ago. Fortunately I have a wife that if more than happy to help improve my life, but she most certainly isn't going to waste her time getting me to wear underwear.
Posted By Wayne - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 8:37 PM ESTProud Commando
I stopped wearing underwear around 16 years ago when I was a teen. With the proper hygiene that one should maintain whether or not you're wearing underwear, there's no cleanliness issue.
I find briefs to be constricting, boxers to be too bulky (wearing shorts under my pants? No thanks), and while jockeys are the best of the 3 options, they're still not as comfortable as just going without!
Posted By Moxley - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 8:28 PM ESTWhy do you care?
As long as he's not wearing shorts that let his sac hang out, or wearing skin tight stuff that shows off the shape of his junk, why do you care?
If the problem IS one of those two things I mentioned, then bring that up. Take a picture and show it to him.
Posted By Anonymous - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 8:25 PM ESTNo Sex
Sex is more imortant to men than the enviorment, he'll bend and break and put his underwear back on in two weeks max.
Posted By Dave - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 9:09 PM ESTWithholding Sex?
You know what withholding sex does? It makes the man go elsewhere. It's a controlling- ***** maneuver and you should be ashamed of yourself for suggesting it, even if you were only joking.
Posted By James Haul - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 8:18 PM ESTI have been going comando for over 14 years...
...I am 32 now and I am NEVER going back. The only time I wear underwear is when I wear pants that will show my "form." My wife gets embarrassed when other people can see my junk so I do it to honor her wishes.
Otherwise there is absolutely no reason to wear them. I would tell your husband to go on saving the environment on pair of underwear at a time!!!
This lady should get over her quibbles about underwear and be excited about her husbands new found, easy accessibility and take this.... More
Posted By Chadimus - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 8:15 PM ESTYou forgot...
To mention one option to this women: stop trying to change her husband and let him do what he wants. If my girlfriend told me what clothes I could and could not wear, she'd be out on the street. I'd expect to be on the curb too if I told her what to wear. Frankly, I have about a thousand more important things to consider in this wonderful life. It appears that this woman has no life at all.
Posted By Anonymous - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 8:15 PM ESTFocus on Hygiene
There are better ways to get a man to put his underwear back on. True presenting him with green solutions is definitely important, but so is the impact that not wearing underwear has on his body. Men's underwear is designed to wick moisture away from their genital region. This is one of the reasons cotton is used predominately as it does a fantastic job at this. If this moisture sticks around bacteria will start to thrive in this region resulting in a rather unpleasant smell and some other.... More
Posted By Emmitt Mak - Tue, Oct 13 2009 at 5:49 AM ESTWicking?
Cotton pants wick away moisture as well as or better than cotton underweear. We are talking about protruding appendages here. Wrapping them up before putting on pants seems like it would create heat and moisture rather than control them. And if you have large appendages there is less room.
Posted By S. Roberts - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 1:21 PM ESTyour green hubby
Ha ... think you're right about hubby's motives on the undergarments but maybe he'll seek some comfy alternatives. Hope so
Posted By Phil Signet - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 1:17 PM ESTMaybe I'm reading this guy wrong....
....but I don't think this husband is really upset about Hanes..I think he's just looking for an excuse to get away with no underwear....and somehow draping that decision with a mantle of green. (and give me a break on whether the rest of his clothes are 'green"....my guess is that he's hyper-focused on one item)
also I'll lay odds now on which of the 2 (husband or wife) will be washing all of this new "earth-friendly" underwear.
Posted By Anonymous - Mon, Oct 12 2009 at 12:40 PM ESTGreen wunderwear
I had no clue there was such a thing!
Free Willy!
Hey, Brittiny - leave me the hell alone. Do you know what it's like being all wrapped up with the twins? They sweat like little pigs. Not to mention that the a-hole has really bad breath...