Choose one or two things that are non-negotiable desires for the holidays. Is it a tree? Decorations? A special food? Gifts? Church? Synagogue? Make those the priority and don't stress over anything else. Even with typical children, parents just can't do it all. Remember that.

Now that you've decided what's most important, modify those things to fit your family's needs. If it's a tree, does it have to be ten feet tall? If it's decorations, do they all have to come out this year? What about one special food item instead of three? And how about keeping the gifts for extended family members simple this year with gift cards instead of all that shopping?

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. It's the same with the holidays. You get through them one moment at a time, one day at a time. Don't be hard on yourself if things aren't picture perfect. Chances are they aren't at your neighbor's house, either.

Don't go by the age recommendations on toy packaging when buying gifts for your special needs child. Go by your child's ability. Your first grader may not be ready for the latest remote control car for six- and seven-year-olds, but may thoroughly enjoy a preschool toy. Be okay with that.

Attention from parents and loved ones is more important than toys and the greatest gift you can give your special needs child is time with you.

You don't have to go just because you are invited. If going to Christmas parties is too stressful for you and your child, don't go. On the other hand, if you really want to go, don't let your child stop you. Your child needs to be exposed to different types of social situations, even if they are stressful. Through this type of exposure, he learns to cope.  Also, have an escape plan. Discuss with your spouse or partner what you will do should the need to leave a room or party occur. Stick to the plan.

Use a calendar to help a child count down the days to the "big day." For Christmas, there are advent calendars you may want to make use of. Some families enjoy making their own countdown calendars. Search the Internet for cute ideas.

Help extended family members and friends understand your child by talking with them about your child's unusual behaviors before a party or event. Help them know how to respond and interact with your child. This may help avoid hurt feelings.

Explain to your child what is expected of him. You can use picture cards or social stories to help him understand. (For more information on social stories see The Gray Center website.)

Stay calm. Whenever you feel stressed, take a deep breath and whisper to yourself: "Peace on Earth. Good will toward men." Your child will sense your level of peace. If you need to arrange for childcare in order to recharge, do so. No one can parent a child alone, and parents of special needs children are no exception. If you need help in finding someone to help you, reach out to your church or neighbors. You'll be surprised how many people are truly willing to help. All you have to do is ask.