Yesterday I left behind my rent-free residence in Minnesota to return to the land of the corn, Iowa. For some reason, this time it was a lot harder to leave. Maybe it had to do with leaving behind my parents, or the new 46" Sony high-definition TV that Santa brought. One of the two, I'm sure. In any case, I arrived at Drake University, and began my spring 2010 semester by grabbing a bite to eat.

 

Like the plot line of a crappy action movie, things went bad fast. One of the three dining locations is undergoing renovations this semester, and to compensate, it has been squished into another of the three.

 

When I saw the set-up, my first thoughts were, "WHAT THE $#%@ WERE THEY THINKING?!" and "It would be a lot more fun to get trampled to death at a Pink Floyd concert." It seemed as if the entire campus, upon returning, had decided to descend like my hungry fraternity brothers sometimes do on an unattended bag of McDonald's food.

 

I quickly ran through my options.

 

A) Scream "ZOMBIES!"

B) Spontaneously break into song and load up on tacos while the cafeteria workers danced the final chorus.

C) Grab a salad and some fruit.

 

Option A would obviously result in bloody pandemonium, probably destroying the food court in the process. Besides, there was always the chance there were ACTUAL zombies in the cafeteria, and I would miss out on witnessing an actual zombie attack. Option B was impossible because my voice resembles Bob Dylan after gargling hydrochloric acid.

 

I grabbed my salad, and then I saw a pear. A PEAR. I hadn't tasted a pear in months. It had to be mine. And after ten minutes of waiting in line, it was.

 

I savored the moment. This would make this madhouse bearable. I opened my mouth ... took a bite ...

 

... and my teeth shattered. THE PAIN! This pear should have come equipped with a small letter signed, "FROM HELL," because it could have come from nowhere else. Obviously, pears were not in season.

 

I couldn't let this happen again. So I'm blogging about it. It turns out that during November through February, the three fruits in season are citrus fruits, cranberries and dates (sometimes). NOT PEARS. Healthyeatingmadeeasy.com pretty much talks about it all.

 

The food court is only getting busier. Looks like I'll be eating oranges for a while ...