ON THE STREETS: How NOT to Drive a Taxi in New York

Jonathan Kesselman: Anurem [sp], what’s up, man? Hey, Anurem, I’m with your brother, Fez [sp]. Is it cool if I have a conversation with him for a little bit?
Driver: No. He’s calling me from overseas.
Kesselman: Oh, but this is very important for me. Please.
Driver: Yeah, you can talk.
Kesselman: All right. Is this a hybrid cab?
Driver: No. This is not.
[bell]
Kesselman: Who owns this?
Driver: My boss.
Kesselman: What’s his name?
Driver: His name is Singh
Kesselman: Is he from India?
Driver: Yeah.
Kesselman: See that’s the problem, right there.
[bell]
You know what I’m saying? You know what I’m talking about, right?
Driver: Yeah.
Kesselman: Where are you from?
Driver: I’m from the other side.
Kesselman: From Pakistan. See, I knew it. That’s the problem right there. The reason he gave you this car, he wants you polluting so people can blame Pakistan for the global economic crisis.
[bell]
What part of Pakistan are you from? ‘Cause I’ve been there a couple times. The north, south?
Driver: [indistinct]
Kesselman: Haven’t been there. Is that near [indistinct]?
Driver: Hmm?
Kesselman: In terms of the hybrid car, I’m first of all mad that you know, your boss hasn’t bought you one.
Driver: Yeah, he should have a hybrid. You know, problem is, if you have a hybrid car--
Kesselman: Right.
Driver: [indistinct] doesn’t make no difference.
Kesselman: Why?
Driver: ‘Cause you’re a broker.
[phone rings]
Oh, sorry.
[bell]
Kesselman: No, that’s cool.  That’s a cool ringtone. You get a lot of calls. Is that a booty call?
[bell]
Driver: My brother. My brother.
[bell]
My problem is they charge you extra--
Kesselman: For the hybrid.
Driver: -- for a hybrid. So it doesn’t make any freaking difference to a driver.
Kesselman: Don’t you save on gas?
Driver: I save on gas but at the same time, they charge you extra from the lease. So it doesn’t make a difference.
[crash]
Kesselman: Oh, my God. Oh my God. Uh-oh.
Driver: Yeah, I shouldn’t have been talking on the phone.
Kesselman: Hi. If you haven’t noticed, I was just in a car accident. Right now, I’m wearing a hundred percent recycled neck brace, and that just goes to show you the danger of driving a non-hybrid car. Those of you out there who are driving non-hybrid cars, go green. Because I can’t move my neck. I am in a lot of pain. I’m going to the hospital now. Thank you and God bless.

End