Kindly step aside, P-Tree
… there’s a brand new Porta Potty alternative on the European summer music festival scene. And this one, dubbed L’Uritonnoir
, is set to make a splashy (hopefully not too splashy) debut this June at a heavy metal festival outside of Nantes, France, called Hellfest. Because really, if you’re going to pee into a polypropylene funnel wedged into a hay bale, you might as we’ll do it after rocking out to Pig Destroyer, Napalm Death, Misery Index, and Rotting Christ.
The act of unzipping and aiming directly into a hay bale when nature calls isn’t exactly a novel concept
as it makes for an excellent, nutrient-rich source of compost. However, L’Uritonnoir (a portmanteau of urinal, urinoir
, and funnel, entonnoir
) from design studio Faltazi
does make the process a bit more civilized, or, at the very least, more tidy. Available in a DIY flat-pack polypropylene version that can be customized with silkscreen printing (!) or a stainless steel “deluxe" model that can “resist climatic challenges,” the funnel end of L’Uritonnoir is inserted directly into a hay bale and secured with a looping strap.
by The Guardian's Oliver Wainwright, the stainless steel model is "presumably for the VIP bale urinal area."
From there, it’s up to beer-chugging, full-bladdered menfolk to contribute a steady stream of nitrogen-rich liquid gold to the carbon-heavy straw that, within six to 12 months, will decompose and convert into compost. As pointed out by L’Uritonnoir’s designers, the urine-soaked mound of hay can either be handed over by festival organizers to a local composting facility or left to compost on the spot where it can be used by local farmers as manure or serve as a planter during the following summer's festival.
Or, aside from serving as an al fresco pee-magnet for festival-goers, L’Uritonnoir can also serve as a dry urinal in the gardens and backyards of homeowners looking to decrease their water bills and generate their own manure:
Do you use to go for a number 1 in the back of your garden? Do not waste this valuable golden fluid by sprinkling inappropriate surfaces! Convert your urine into humus instead by 'uritonning' in a small straw bundle. About six to 10 months only are required before spreading this amazing composted manure around the base of your trees and plants.
More over at the L’Uritonnoir website including illustrations, customization ideas — try "silkscreen-printing the vertical zone with pedagogical messages!"— and a few shots of the device getting a trial run. I'm also not sure how well "pedagogical messages" would fly at an event called Hellfest. Maybe printing them with the terrifying mug of Dee Snider
could work for that occassion ....