Jonathan must break the news to these New Yorkers: global warming is a hoax. He also raises awareness for global cooling, which is what should really concern us. (Jonathan Kesselman)
Jonathan Kesselman: Are you guys aware that global warming does not exist? Are you guys aware that global warming is actually a hoax?
>> It’s a hoax?
Kesselman: It’s a hoax. It’s not real. Actually, I have some charts I can show you. Okay, so this is global warming right here, this line here.
>> Yeah. Right.
Kesselman: This right here is ocean water levels, this blue line here. Donnie and Marie, and "American Idol;" you notice "American Idol" peaks here, while "American Idol" peaks here. What does that tell you?
>> It’s not too good.
Kesselman: There’s actually something called global cooling. Have you heard of global cooling?
>> I have not.
Kesselman: I don’t have the actual chart with me because I forgot it at home. It’s 27 degrees outside; clearly global cooling is not a hoax.
>> It’s [bleep] cold out here.
Kesselman: Yeah, you know what?
Kesselman: Global cooling is what I’m talking about.
>> [indistinct] [bleep] [indistinct] global warmin’ here.
>> And I’m the [bleep] coldest [bleep] in New York.
Kesselman: [indistinct] there’s no real numbers on it because we took them off for, for reasons.
>> I’ve never seen that movie by that weirdo. What’s his name?
Kesselman: Al Gore? I think the reason why is that it had a bad title. I was thinking maybe people would’ve seen it if it had a better title. Something like, I don’t know, “Watch this movie or we’re all [bleep].”
>> Al Gore has even lied and said he had invented the Internet. You can’t trust somebody like that.
Kesselman: Internet? That’s like me saying I made up Starbucks Coffee.
And you know what? I didn’t. Because you know why? Starbucks Coffee is crap. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. I’m sorry. So now have I convinced you that global warming is a hoax?
Kesselman: As a member of the Global Cooling Party, we’re actually looking for donations. So do you have $5, $10 you can spare for the global cooling cause?
>> For the global cooling cure?
Kesselman: You have $5?
Kesselman: Cool. Hook me up.
>> I have to get it inside. All right?
Kesselman: I’ll wait right here. I’m cool.