Date of birth: Undisclosed
Hair: Dark brown
Eyes: Unknown; suffers from tunnel vision
Citizenship: California, a known safe harbor for Hollywood liberals and other subversives
Aliases: "Larry's wife!" (Entertainment Weekly, Nov. 18, 2005), "The E-gitator/the Bono of climate change" (Vanity Fair, May 2006), "The Evangelizer" (Wired, May 2006), "Force of Nature" (Vogue, March 2006), "my excellent neighbor" (Videography, April 2006), "someone named Laurie David who I gather is married to a famous person" (National Review Online, May 25, 2005)
Laurie David is wanted for spreading the dangerous and unproven myth of "global warming" and inducing mass hysteria among innocent civilians. She is using her website, stopglobalwarming.org, to commit acts of unlawful assembly by organizing a virtual march on Washington -- a hostile act that threatens national security. David has extensive ties to the liberal media (see "Aliases") and has provided intellectual and material support for the production of weapons of mass destruction (An Inconvenient Truth, Too Hot Not to Handle, Earth to America). Her propaganda campaign severly undermines vital interests of the U.S. government and the industries that generously support it.
APPROACH WITH CAUTION
David has already convinced a prominent women's fashion magazine to use recycled paper and got her recalcitrant husband to drive a hybrid vehicle. Her next steps are unclear.
Considered miseducated and dangerous.
ISSUED BY THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND HYSTERIA
This article originally appeared in Plenty in August 2006. This story was added to MNN.com in June 2009.