It’s been three years since Clyde was cut down in the prime of life.
He was a good tree, according to the man who had nurtured and loved Clyde since he was little more than a seedling.
"I'm beginning to get older, and planting something that I knew would live well beyond my lifetime was something very special," he shared in a post on Reddit.
The man, who identifies himself as a professional arborist, spared no effort in caring for baby Clyde.
"I drained his soil," he writes. "I gave him a crutch to lean on when he was a young lad, and I watched him grow."
And then, as Clyde’s roots deepened and his sheltering branches reached up to the heavens … he was cut down.
Those roots, it seemed, had spread too far for bureaucrats in Redondo Beach, California. As our Reddit narrator explains, the roots grew a little too close to the sidewalk and were cited as a risk to public safety. (We reached out to him for comment, but he didn't reply.)
And so a tree fell in Redondo Beach, California. But somebody heard this one. And somebody mourned Clyde.
"Mayor Steve Aspel, you killed my child," the aggrieved arborist declares in his note. "For this, you will pay."
The best revenge, of course, takes patience and careful calculation. And the seeds are best planted in warm earth.
"Two years and seven months ago, I secretly planted 45 California redwoods and 82 giant sequoias in various parks, yards, and state properties around your city," the arborist claims. It's worth noting that both Snopes and the city of Redondo Beach claim his story is not true. But still, the level of detail in this plot is impressive, even if it is imaginary.
In non-arborist terms, that means Redondo Beach could soon be home to countless trees, all belonging to a particularly massive species.
"You killed Clyde, but I have replaced him with over 100 living giants," the man notes. "And giant they will become. In a few years, they'll begin breaking heights of 100 to 300 feet and live well beyond 2,500 years."
In bureaucrat terms, that means these trees will be next to impossible to uproot without incurring enormous efforts and expenses.
The stealthy sower planted a giant sequoia in the mayor's own backyard — a tree that will look much like the one posted at top. Aspel is no longer the mayor of Redondo Beach — he was defeated in a March election.
We’re talking about a tree that can weigh as much as 2.7 million pounds, towering to around 275 feet tall from its base.
And perhaps, when the wind rustles its branches, he might even hear the closing whisper of an arborist scorned.
"Good day to you, sir. May your city be overrun by trees. And may Clyde rest in peace."