Water fights in the yard may have just gone nuclear.
A former NASA engineer has designed a water cannon that’s not only the biggest in the world but likely the most powerful, capable of busting glass with a 272-mph torrent of nitrogen-powered water.
Mark Rober blasts a sheet of glass. (YouTube video)
All that power comes at a cost. Mark Rober’s turbocharged take on the classic Super Soaker is about 7 feet long, relies on nitrogen tanks for power ... and is far too heavy to be effective in a running battle in the neighborhood.
As Rober demonstrates in this YouTube video, this giant super soaker is best deployed on a stationary turret, holding down a position while wiping out opposing forces.
Or, of course, you could always use it to smash watermelons and scramble eggs with extreme prejudice — if you’re into that sort of thing.
This beast is begging to be your backyard master blaster. But for now, Rober’s baby is a one-off invention, a gleeful experiment in water gun escalation.
Rober already has pushed the boundaries of Nerf gun technology, designing a device that slings foam missiles at a bruising 40 miles per hour.
But even that power pales compared to his mighty super soaker.
The thirst for ever-more devastating weapons of water means we’ll likely see similar — if not quite so potentially painful — equipment make its way to the modern backyard battlefield.
Rober's super soaker prototype meets the human belly. (Photo: YouTube video)
Retreat to the age of squirt guns and water balloons?
Gone, it seems, are the days of the humble squirt gun. After all, who wants to go to war with something that squirts anyway? No, we need cannons, grenades, things that explode and blast.
Take a look, for example, at Heavy.com’s ranking of the Top 15 Water Guns of 2017.
Number one with a bullet? The Nerf Super Soaker Zombie Strike Revenge Zombinator. (If you think that’s a mouthful, try taking a pump-powered blast from it in the face.)
Behold the Nerf Super Soaker Zombie Strike Revenge Zombinator! (Photo: Nerf/Amazon)
Heavy.com's list is littered with super-sized super soakers, all with names as punishing on the tongue as the guns on are human bodies.
Super Soaker Max Infusion Flash Flood Water Blaster anyone?
Is it too much? Do we need a Geneva Convention on water warfare? If Rober’s new cannon can smash glass, how long before something comes along that smashes bones? Or, at the very very least, dislodges an eyeball or two?
Maybe it’s time we adjusted the parameters of this summertime pastime. Indeed, maybe it’s time to look back on the days when dousing, rather than devastation, was the name of the game. Yes, game.
Downsizing your summer arsenal might even offer certain tactical advantages. Say you brought one or two of these old-school pistols to a modern battlefield (Amazon sells them in packs of 25 for around $10). You could slip a couple of them in your belt and go guerrilla style.
Fun Express offers a 25-pack of old school pistols om the cheap. (Photo: Fun Express/Amazon)
Jump a few fences — always keep moving — and slip behind enemy lines. Get nice and close to the enemy commander — maybe it’s even Mark Rober himself stuck behind his mega turret — and unleash a double-pistol assault from behind and startlingly close. Even our rocket scientist would flee in terror.
Those ultra-portable pistols also leave room for a little more diversity in your payload.
You can bring along a splasher — essentially a simple pump — soak up water from any source (maybe not the dirtiest, filthiest puddle you can find) and drench an unsuspecting foe. The urban water ninja might even find room for a couple of water balloons, perfect for lobbing into enemy trenches.
Of course, you might still get mowed down halfway through your mission. But at least you tried to bring a little honor back to the game. And maybe you even had some fun doing it ... before you were disintegrated by someone with a Super Soaker Zombie Strike Revenge Contaminator.