For some, a late-night fast-food restaurant is a beacon for a post-bar-hopping belly.
It promises to pave that whiskey-soured belly with deep-fried forgettables and other sweet nothings from its hallowed heat lamp.
At some point or another, we’ve all prayed to that golden-arched god … before going home to offer another kind of prayer to its porcelain counterpart.
But not everyone finds refuge beneath those golden arches.
Too often fast-food patrons order up their nuggets with a side of carnage.
In fact, chairs were flying as recently as Thursday at one Santa Monica, California, where a super-sized brawl erupted after a couple of homeless men were asked to leave.
The tears of a clown, indeed.
McLove is the answer. You and I know that for sure. But how do we go about calming the savage patron who often shows up late at night, frequently drunk, and with an appetite for destruction?
How about a little Mozart?
The fast-food chain has begun experimenting on its late-night customers in the best way possible — by piping classical music over the speaker system.
So far, McDonald's has only used the piano pacification method in a handful of restaurants in Scotland, England and Australia.
But some of them, like a restaurant in Glasgow, were in sore need of an intervention.
Over a span of 14 months, according to the U.K.'s Mirror, police were summoned to that particular spot no less than 200 times.
We don’t have any statistics on how effective the classical music treatment has been since then, but after two years, the restaurant is still hooked on classics — and remains not burned to the ground.
We also know that classical music has long been a favorite crowd control technique, particularly in times of riot. Police from Portland, Oregon to Bangkok, Thailand routinely pump up the Puccini in hopes of calming the riled masses.
But can classical music unclench the fists of patrons bent on more than just burgers? Can Beethoven save someone from getting a beatdown?
Let’s hope so. Because few places could use an "Ode to Joy" more than the fast-food forest of the night.