International Talk Like a Pirate Day is the high holiday of millions of Pastafarians around the world (including this writer). For those of us in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, this day usually means a lot of solemn prayer, quiet meditation and bowls of buttery pasta. It's a time for reflecting upon the joys of life and the divine grace of His Noodly Appendage. It's a dignified and stately day where we contemplate the past year and recharge for the one ahead.
For everyone else, it's just a day to act silly and get free donuts.
But, I guess if you're going to do something silly, you should do it well. So in the interest of ridding the world of bad pirates, I sifted through YouTube and found these helpful videos to help you become a better pirate. Enjoy, maties!
This little man has it down pat. He has the eye patch, the shirt, the speech, and the mannerisms of a top-notch pirate. One thing to note here is how he didn't go overboard — there's no huge hat, plastic parrot or lame hook hand. He doesn't oversell it, he just is a pirate. A pirate fighting octopus and interruptions from his little sister, that is.
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This video focuses more on the linguistics of pirate-speak and will fine tune the way you Talk Like a Pirate. It covers common pirate sentence structure, the hierarchy of various greeting types, and the complexities of "Arrr".
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This video is instructive more for how not to act as a pirate. Capt. Dan and the Scurvy Crew is a pirate-themed rap crew that has been slashing and lootin' their way around the southern-Florida (where else) music scene since their formation in 2006. They even managed their way into an "America's Got Talent" audition. And while I have to admit that Dan and his Scurvy Crew have the pirate thing down (at least the visual part of it), they ruin it with their terrible, terrible rapping.
Pirates aren't supposed to be the object of laughter and ridicule. Pirates are meant to be feared and admired.