Heavy rocker Rob Zombie has announced that he's getting into the coffee business with a new line of self-branded organic fair-trade brews. Because when you think Rob Zombie, you think coffee. Right?

“Our deepest and darkest roasted coffee,” reads a description of the French Roast. “This 100% Certified Organic, Fair Trade Certified French Roast offering has a surprising characteristic that you’ll notice when you purchase whole beans — a hint of speckle. This is because we artistically blend our French Roast with a moderate percentage of different roasts, producing a complex taste profile that no other French-style coffee has in existence. Savor the deepness.”

 "A hint of speckle?" Oh, c'mon, there's no way Rob wrote that! This is a branding move pure and simple -- like when your parents thought it would be clever to come up with wine labels for Christmas gifts one year.

The Peruvian blend comes “from the tall peaks of the Andes to the tropical forests of the Amazon Basin,” and “features 100% Certified Organic, Fair Trade Certified beans, this incredible single-origin coffee supports the battle against social and environmental challenges. Medium-bodied with a tangy fruit finish, our lively Peru has been hand-crafted to realize its complete flavor potential.”

Hilarious -- and probably delicious. And I have to give credit to Rob (or his online store team) for at least choosing fair trade organic over the regular crap. You can pick up some bags for $13.99 each here.

Michael d'Estries ( @michaeldestries ) covers science, technology, art, and the beautiful, unusual corners of our incredible world.