Poor Edward Cullen (insert screams and swoons here). The enigmatic high schooler with that dreamy Pacific Northwest pallor — not to mention advanced tree-climbing abilities — that drives all the young ladies of Forks, Wash., crazy with lust has a larger carbon footprint than most folks given that he hasn’t aged since 1918.

I'd like to give Edward (insert more screams and swoons) a helping hand. In honor of his return to the big screen this weekend in the hotly anticipated "The Twilight Saga: New Moon", here are a few eco-living items that I've written about in the past that are ideal for immortals and those who love them. I realize that the Cullen clan doesn’t reside in a crumbling castle filled with cobwebs and coffins (their home in the first "Twilight" installment appeared to be straight out of a Design Within Reach catalog … way to acclimate!) like traditional bloodsuckers but, hey, you never know … times are a changin' for the modern vampire.

Coffin Couches

Although they're more Marilyn Manson than Edward Cullen, L.A.-based Coffin Couches make well-designed sofas that transcend their macabre-kitsch Addams Family aesthetic and, well, are pretty cool.

The caskets procured by Coffin Couches — the company is owned by Vidal Herrera, a erstwhile crime scene investigator who also owns a private autopsy service and MorguePropRentals.com — are funeral home rejects due to “cosmetic inconsistencies” and cannot be sold and used for burial. So instead of letting them sit around and collect dust or be buried in landfills, the CC designers recycle them and reconfigure them with leather or vinyl into one-of-a-kind furnishings perfect for “retirement parties, game rooms, custom company logos, small intimate hook-ups, and team sports.”

Noteworthy Coffin Couch admirers include Mr. Sandra Bullock, Jesse James, and the L.A. County coroner’s office. Prices for one, with the exception of a chair, start at $3,500. Shipping and custom airbrushing (!) will cost you extra.

Vampire energy

Although Vampire Energy Awareness month was in October, it's never too late to fend off phantom power suckers in your home. Check out the below video and advice columnist Vanessa Vadim's advice on how to combat household vampires using power strips instead of garlic and wooden stakes.

Shelves for Life
If smothered with irony is the way Edward Cullen wants to go if he ever does bite the dust, then British designer William Warren’s morbid modern design concept, Shelves for Life, is for him. That said, the custom-made (contact Warren for pricing, etc.) oak veneered plywood Shelves for Life aren’t for everyone. But there is an element of eco-friendliness at play here alongside the smarty-pants “get buried in, instead of with your possessions” subtext: producing a new coffin is extremely energy- and resource-intensive and by being buried in a piece of repurposed furniture you completely avoid the unsustainable getting-buried-in-a-new-coffin thing. Eloquent, I know.

20 Mule Team Borax
Need to get that stubborn bloodstain out of your T-shirt the natural way? 20 Mule Team Borax consists of 99.5 percent pure, naturally occurring borax (sodium tetraborate decahydrate) so there’s no synthetic, manmade chems involved at all … no bleach, fragrance, colors, or other additives make it into the box.

20 Mule Team Borax is renowned, like baking soda, for its versatility so a single box can go a long way. Most folks know it as a laundry additive that helps detergent do its thing and naturally softens hard water resulting in fresher, longer-lasting clothing. It’s also an effective multipurpose household cleaner that cleans and deodorizes various surfaces like carpets, bathroom tiles, kitchen countertops and more. It’s even good in drains and is used in arts and crafts projects like flowering preserving and candle making. And the removal of human viscera from tile floors.

Matt Hickman ( @mattyhick ) writes about design, architecture and the intersection between the natural world and the built environment.

You have entered the 'Twilight' zone
In honor of Edward Cullen and the rest of those wild n' crazy Twilight kids, here's a look at eco-items that appeal to hunky bloodsuckers and those who love the